Weird World

by Bill Flick
pantagraph.com

 
* In Shawnee, Kan., a robber painstakingly placed tape over a convenience store's security camera but apparently forgot it was transparent tape.
* Near Glenwood Springs, Colo., two men became so unnerved by a large black bear that suddenly emerged from some bushes to approach them that one knew they were in major trouble and immediately proceeded to throw his gun at the bear.
* In Nashua, N.H., a man on trial for murder took the stand in his own defense and testified he could not have possibly killed the man because at the alleged time he was actually trying to kill another man in nearby Lowell, Mass. Police later acknowledged they were looking for a suspect in that case.
* At a bowling alley in Milwaukee, a man became angered at a 12-year-old's playing of a song on the jukebox, at which point he chased him down, choked him into near unconsciousness and rammed his head into the pool table because he thought such music was corrupting youth.
* In Noblesville, Ind., a man who thought it really was the Hamilton County sheriff's police calling to report they had seen the 8-foot-tall marijuana plant in his home and asking that he turn it in then was surprised to discover, after cutting down the plant and personally taking it to police, they actually knew nothing about it and he had been the victim of an apparent prank. He now awaits sentencing.
* At an airport in Greece, airline passengers angered that a flight had been canceled literally circled the jet on the runway as it tried to leave for its next scheduled flight and "hijacked" it to its original destination.
* In Fordyce, Ark., an inmate unaware he was going to be released escaped on that day and then was captured, earning one more year of jail time after having none left.
* At Razorback Stadium in Fayette-ville, Ark., a new video scoreboard designed to show replays of touchdowns was activated and unfortunately began sending out an emergency signal indicating that a plane was down.
* In San Jose, Calif., the cleaning lady for Oracle computer software multibillionaire Larry Ellison explained to police the reason she stole his Rolex watch and other items from his home was because she was only trying to make her own $4,000-a-month mortgage payments.
* At a National Pen Corp. plant in San Diego where more than two dozen employees passed out from an overbearing odor, officials later traced the problem to the janitors who put too many urinal cakes in the men's room.
* In Toronto, a man explained to police the reason he became so angry with his wife was because he had called a sex line and, in the midst of a conversation in which he was paying $3.95 a minute, realized it was his wife with whom he was talking.
* While the stock market remained stale with a return of only 4.1%, a fourth-grade class at a Charlotte, N.C., school reported a whopping 109% return after class members invested actual money in the market as a class assignment. They invested most of their money in bicycle and scooter company stocks.
* In Detroit, police investigated the whereabouts of a person who used a radio-frequency remote control that allowed him to intercept TV frequencies and send personal messages across the bottoms of TV viewers' screens, such as, "Hey, Barb -- I can see up your dress."
* A man's bid to become a police officer in New London, Conn., was squelched after he scored too high on an intelligence test and the city rejected him, saying he would be too bored with police work.
* In Golden, Colo., an employee of Coors Brewing Co. unfortunately flipped the wrong switch, sending more than 78,000 gallons of beer into a nearby creek, and thousands of fish reportedly died from drunkenness.
* An appeals court in New Hampshire ruled that, under the protection of his First Amendment rights, an independent presidential candidate could, in fact, campaign dressed as a 6-foot penis.
* Along Interstate 95 near Jarratt, Va., three monkeys that had escaped from a circus were taken into police custody after they were found hiding in a grove of trees just off the expressway, hurling crab apples and bananas at passing cars.

 

 

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