Deep Thoughts |
From an actual newspaper contest where entrants age 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.
| My young brother
asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt
and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth-that most of us
go to Hell and burn eternally - but I didn't want to upset him. * Age 10 I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower. * Age 11 I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone died. * Age 13 I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? * Age 15 It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends. * Age 8 As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up. * Age 7 Home is where the house is. * Age 6 Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. * Age 15 It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there. * Age 5 Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. * Age 13 Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with. * Age 6 The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?" * Age 15 If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. * Age 15 |