| * |
You truly don't care who Julia
Roberts is sleeping with. |
| * |
You understand the difference
between 43 brands of imported vodka. |
| * |
You can call anyone
"honey" including pets. |
| * |
You know someone who definitely
was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil. |
| * |
You understand the immense
importance of good lighting. |
| * |
You can be at a crowded disco the
size of two football fields and still spot a toupee. |
| * |
You can tell a woman you love her
bathing suit, and mean her bathing suit. |
| * |
You can explain the nuances
between steady date, boyfriend and lover. |
| * |
You really have "been there,
done that". |
| * |
Your women friends will tell you
everything you want to know about their boyfriends. And that means everything. |
| * |
You're the only type of male who
gets to say "fabulous." |
| * |
You can have naked pictures of
men you don't know in your home. |
| * |
You can have naked men you don't
know in your home. |
| * |
You know how to handle the
telephone like a Stradivarius. |
| * |
You understand why the good Lord
invented spandex. |
| * |
You understand why the good Lord
didn't intend everyone to wear it. |
| * |
You know how to get back at just
about everyone. |
| * |
You only wear polyester when you
mean to. |
| * |
You can smile to let someone know
you can't stand them. |
| * |
You can freeze a troll from 20
feet away. |
| * |
You're good pals with women other
people can't stand. |
| * |
You've always got an opinion. |
| * |
You've read the book, seen the
movie, done the musical. |
| * |
You know how to dress
strategically. |
| * |
Your car has an amusing female
name. |
| * |
You're the only one at your high
school reunion who looks a lot better than you did in high school. |
| * |
You've got at least one framed
picture of a pet. |
| * |
If your mattress could talk, it
would be Joan Rivers. |
| * |
You know that sex complicates
things. So? |
| * |
You know that being called a
"cheap slut" isn't actually an insult. |
| * |
There's a married guy somewhere
who is terrified of you. |
| * |
Nobody tells you what to do in
bed...unless you tell them what to tell you. |
| * |
You have a medicine chest stocked
for any occasion. |
| * |
You have at least one movie
musical on video. |
| * |
You're not embarrassed to sing in
a piano bar. |
| * |
You're embarrassed by people who
sing in piano bars. |
| * |
You never hold a grudge for
longer than a decade or two. |
| * |
You know how to make an entrance. |
| * |
You know when to make an exit. |
| * |
You worry about people you don't
even know - like Liza Minnelli. |
| * |
You choose the most fabulous
greeting cards. |
| * |
You know how to program your VCR. |
| * |
You've got sunscreen at every
conceivable SPF level. |
| * |
You have a cologne display worthy
of Bloomingdale's. |
| * |
You understand, viscerally, Joan
Crawford. |
| * |
Some of your best friends are
your ex-lovers. |
| * |
You know when to play dumb. |
| * |
You know what to do for a
hangover. |
| * |
Yes, you do have a condom. |
| * |
You've called someone
"girlfriend" who is neither a girl nor a friend. |
| * |
One or more of the following
apply to you:
a). You adore Judy Garland
b) You hate Judy Garland
c) You hate people who adore Judy Garland.
d) You hate people who hate Judy Garland.
e) You don't give a damn about Judy Garland.
f) Who is Judy Garland?
|
| * |
You can supply the last names to
the following list:
a) Bernadette
b) Chita
c) Barbra
|
| * |
You made Donna Summer a star. |
| * |
You made Donna Summer a has-been. |
| * |
Tanning salons were invented for
you. |
| * |
You've made sunbathing a
performance art. |
| * |
You know when the party's over. |
| * |
You know where to go after the
party's over. |
| * |
You're fearless about fighting
the elements, especially gravity. |
| * |
When you hear "a stitch in
time saves nine" you think of:
a) Your grandma
b) Your face lift
c) John Wayne Bobbit
|
| * |
You know that pigs and bears are
not necessarily rural wildlife. |
| * |
Your roommate can be your
roommate and not your "roommate". |
| * |
You know that referring to
someone as "a real lady" isn't necessarily a compliment. |
| * |
Your favorite dinner accessory
may also be your dinner companion. |
| * |
You know that the most important
part of a party's decor is the catering staff. |
| * |
If your cat is a female, you
swear it's a lesbian. |
| * |
If your cat is a male, you swear
it's a lesbian. |
| * |
You sing along heartily with
songs that make most females cringe, like Stand by your man". |
| * |
You've been to a bris, a bar
mitzvah, a christening, a first communion and too many weddings. You have a carefully
considered evaluation of the food after each. |
| * |
You'll never have to hear your
mother complain about your wife. |
| * |
A two-seater convertible seems
perfectly practical to you. |
| * |
You have a favorite Disney
character and it's usually a nasty one. |
| * |
You've left someone totally
speechless. |
| * |
You've shaved something other
than your face. |
| * |
All your friends do not have to
"get along". |
| * |
You have large collection of
anniversary pictures. They may be with different guys, however. |
| * |
Your love handles are actually
used as such. |
| * |
When someone turns his back on
you, you actually consider it an opportunity. |
| * |
You've got a large assortment of
movie-star biographies. |
| * |
You've got the most interesting
coffee table books. |
| * |
You know where to find a meat
rack and it ain't in your kitchen drawer. |
| * |
You have a sexual persuasion with
its own flag. |
| * |
At some moment in your life
you've envisioned having back-up girls. |
| * |
You know your enemies. |
| * |
After a workout at the gym, you
feel like a new man... and he's right there in the shower. |
| * |
You're Barbra Streisand's biggest
fan. |
| * |
You know that Barbra Streisand's
biggest fan is Barbra Streisand. |
| * |
Not only have you added spice to
your life - sometimes you've added side dishes. |
| * |
You know that "small
talk" can be about spirituality or politics, and "important issues" can be
about hair. |
| * |
You've actually lived out some of
your fantasies. |
| * |
Unlike most straight women, you
have no problem being treated solely as a sex object. |
| * |
You have no doubts about the
accuracy of the Kinsey Report. |
| * |
You know, by heart, every line
in:
a) All About Eve
b) The Rocky Horror Picture Show
c) Your face
|
| * |
You are ALWAYS ready for your
close-up. |
| * |
You have 412 ways to tell someone
to get lost. 136 are non-verbal. |
| * |
You can lip-sync to at least one
Supremes song. |
| * |
You have a carefully selected
Yiddish vocabulary. |
| * |
Even if you're in Kansas, you're
not in Kansas anymore. |
| * |
You know exactly how many
martinis it takes. |
| * |
When throwing a party, you know
how to put out quite a spread. Sometimes after the party too. |
|
|