The Libretto - Act I

Voice Mail #1

... the phone rings...

Mark & Roger:
SPEAK!!

...from the answering machine...

Dave:
Roger it's Dave ($4.50). This is the last time you've left me without a bartender (Two Buds!). Don't bother coming in next week (Rolling Rock!) - you're 86ed.

... the phone rings...

Mark & Roger:
SPEAK!!

...from the answering machine...

Mark's Mom:
That was a very loud beep. I don't even know if this is working, Mark!  Mark, are you there, are you screening your calls- it's Mom! We wanted to call to say we love you and we'll miss you tomorrow. Cindy and the kids are here, send their love. I hope you like the hotplate- just don't leave it on, dear, when you leave the house. Oh and Mark- your father got a call from Chemical Bank- I don't know how they got our number- but we meant it when we said that you're cut off. Love Mom!

... the phone rings...

Mark & Roger:
SPEAK!!

...from the answering machine...

Benny:
Dudes! Benny. I know it's Christmas, but I need the cash- something big-on my way. Don't block the box, a- hole. Later!

Splatter

Mark:
If I threw my body out the window, brain all splattered, guts all steaming in the snow, I wouldn't have to finish shooting films that no one wants to show. RENT!

Roger:
If I studied something, paid a salary, wouldn't have to do the shit I do for cash. My guts all steaming- fuck this dreaming. Speed, metal, rock: songs for the trash!

Mark:
The wheels aren't turning!

Roger:
It's worthy of burning!

Both:
How we gonna pay?
How we gonna pay?
How we gonna pay last months rent?

Roger:
If I took a hammer, tapped my forehead, wouldn't have to wake and stagger thorough the week. Or hear a boring, grinning, whoring, brainless, dull producer speak!  RENT!

Mark:
If I slid the bars back, hurled my body through the cracked glass on some crackhead's cardboard bed, Maureen could kick my frozen frame, and shout my name and then drop dead!

Roger:
She's got a new man? What's his name?

Mark:
Joanne!

Both:
How we gonna pay?
How we gonna pay?
How we gonna pay last months rent?

...off...

Angel:
You okay honey?

Collins:
I'm afraid so.

Angel:
They get any money?

Collins:
No- had none to get. But they purloined my coat. Well you missed a sleeve. Thanks.

Angel:
Hell, it's Christmas Eve.

...

Maureen:
That's the stage Joanne. Kiss. Remind me when I stress or get mean.

Joanne:
That was last Tuesday night, Maureen.

...

Angel:
I'm Angel.

Collins:
Indeed. An angel of the first degree. Friends call me Collins, Tom Collins. Nice tree.

...

Roger:
If I toss my carcass in the dumpster, my fingers wouldn't bleed and blister and scar. My head wouldn't pound from the sound of garbage streaming out of my guitar.

Mark:
If I killed myself or studied business, no more parents spitting up on my career. So are you showing? Where's this going? Home for Christmas?

Both:
Not this year!

Mark:
You're hungry and frozen!

Roger:
It's some life that we've chosen!

Both:
How we gonna pay?
How we gonna pay?
How we gonna pay last months rent?
This months rent?
Next months rent?
Rent rent rent rent rent.
How we gonna pay rent?
How we gonna pay rent?

You're a Fool

Roger:
You're off?

Mark:
You wanna wait here for Benny?

Roger:
Is there anything else to do?

Mark:
Anything but Maureen's show.

Roger:
You want to go, yes?

Mark:
I guess.

Roger:
For someone cool, you're a fool.

Mark
I know.

Roger:
But her show's not till one.

Mark:
We'll do something else, it's Christmas.

Roger:
Oh fun, some of us don't have time for that.

Mark:
Awwwww...

Roger:
Some of us get writers block.

Mark:
What a crock.

Roger:
Some of our parents don't pay our bills.

Mark:
Mr. Negative cuz he's HIV- positive.

Roger:
You can't know, give me some latitude.

Mark:
Maybe you're blocked because of that attitude.

Roger:
I doubt you'd be so brave. Hell, you're scared to see your ex.

Mark:
I'm a chicken shit, a hypocrite. I admit.

Roger:
I rest my case. For someone cool, you're a fool.

Mark:
Lets make a deal.

Roger:
No deals.

Mark:
I'll see Maureen if you come out tonight.

Roger:
I don't fit in anymore, all right? Anyway I'm working.

...plays guitar...

It's scratchy.

Mark:
It recalls something, but it's catchy.

Roger:
The inspired zone of my brain has atrophied. But I need to leave a mark, before  I croak-

Mark:
Not funny.

Roger:
No joke.
I wish that I could turn the days I wasted toying with dope fiends and groupies into days spent obsessing over details, the way that you do. 

Mark:
If you only knew... I spend so much time obsessing, it's depressing.  For someone cool, you're the fool.  You want to rediscover the spark, leave a mark, share something with someone... Face your fears...

Roger:
What's that I hear? Maureen did you say...?

Mark:
Touché.

Both:
For someone cool, you're a-

...a knock...

Shit!

...another knock...

Hi!

...another knock...

The lock!

...another knock...

Damn.

...Collins enters...

Bustelo, Marlboro, banana by the bunch. A box of Cap'n Crunch would taste so good... and firewood... must be Santa Claus!

Collins:
Hold your applause.

Mark & Roger:
Collins!

Collins:
Playing Anne Frank with your landlord? Better have some Stoli!

Mark & Roger:
O, holy night... you struck gold at MIT?

Collins:
Eh, they expelled me for my theory of actual reality which I now impart to the couch potatoes at New York University.  Gentlemen, our benefactor on this Christmas Eve, whose music is the purest on the bowery I believe- a true member of the Alphabet City avant garde: Angel Dumott Schunard!

Today 4 U

Angel:
Today for you, tomorrow for me.
Today for you, tomorrow for me!

Collins:
And you should hear her beat!

Roger:
You earned this on the street?

Angel:
It was my lucky day today on Avenue A when a lady in a limousine drove my way.  She said, "Darling, be a dear, I haven't slept in a year- I need your help to make my neighbor's yappy dog disappear.  This Akita, Evita, just won't shut up- I believe if you play non- stop that pup will breathe it's very last high- strung breath.  I'm certain that cur will bark itself to death!"  Today for you,  tomorrow for me.  Today for you, tomorrow for me.  We agreed on a fee: a thousand dollar guarantee- tax free- and a bonus, if I trim her tree.  Now who  could foretell that it would work so well?  But sure as I am here that dog is now in doggie hell.   After an hour, Evita, in all her glory, on the window ledge of that 23rd story- like Thelma and Louise did when they got the blues- swan  dove into the courtyard of the Gracie Mews.  Today for you, tomorrow for me. Today for you, tomorrow for me. I said today for you, tomorrow for me. Today for you, tomorrow for me!

Do a Little Business

Benny:
The checkbook Allison, the checkbook Allison, the checkbook- not my datebook, for the money Allison, honey, Allison- the batteries are running out of gas! Just find me, Allison, the checkbook Allison, otherwise, Allison, it's my ass!  And so this is Christmas.

...Benny enters...

Ho ho ho ho!  Dudes!  Feed the world, let them know it's Christmas time and- Hey you bum, yeah you move over. Get your ass off that Range Rover! Boys I'm double parked!

Mark:
Benny.

Benny:
How's your project? Good.

Mark:
You yuppie scum.

Benny:
How's your project? Good. You've worked how long?

Mark:
Six years.

Benny:
And for what?

Mark:
That's not the point.

Benny:
You kill me. Six years, Allison, since I blew this dump. What'd I make, a million? I just did a little business-

Mark:
Did a little business.

Benny:
What's wrong with that? I bought this building-

Mark:
Bought this building.

Benny:
I bought the lot next door. I bought another-

Collins:
And another.

Benny:
And I need to buy one more!

Collins:
Just like Monopoly.

Angel:
I love Monopoly! I'll be the dog.

Collins:
I'll be the hat.

Mark:
What next, little green houses?

Collins:
Plastic houses.

Roger:
A little red plastic hotel.

Benny:
A video franchise!

Mark, Roger, Collins, & Angel:
Video franchise!?!

Benny:
The deal your rent will underwrite- one last building, own the block!  Then sell! Cough it up! Tonight's my night! And tell Maureen-

Mark:
We aren't speaking.

Benny:
Her protest better end by two, we're putting in fences.

Collins:
On Christmas Day?

Benny:
That wasn't me.

Mark, Roger, Collins, & Angel:
Then who?

Benny:
It's none of your business.

Mark:
None of our business?

Benny:
Tonight your business is the rent.

Mark & Roger:
Yeah.

Collins:
That your jeep?

Benny:
My Range Rover.

Roger:
The perfect car for urban play.

Benny:
We use it, too, to get away.

Mark:
East Hampton is just like the outback.

Collins:
L-I-E: like a safari.

Roger:
We should buy one!

Mark:
We should buy two!

Benny:
Now then-

Angel:
Now then-

Collins:
Buy ten!

Mark, Roger, Collins, & Angel:
Bye- bye!

Roger:
Wait, what happened to the jag?

Benny:
With a wife and the dog it was a drag.

Angel:
A drag? What kind of hag- I mean dog do you have?

Benny:
Evita's an Akita.

Mark, Roger, Collins, & Angel:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Benny:
Gotta do a little business.

Mark:
Do a little business.

Benny:
Can we?

Mark & Roger:
We can.

Benny:
November, December, January brings the sum to-

Angel:
I just cannot believe that they are out on Christmas Eve.

Benny:
What?

Angel:
A towtruck.

Benny:
The city needs the reven- towtruck! You fuck! A towtruck Allison, a towtruck Allison, a towtruck towtruck towtruck Allison. A towtruck Allison, a towtruck Allison, a towtruck towtruck towtruck towtruck....

Female to Female

Maureen:
Female to female. Female to female. Female to female, Joanne - we said female to female. When we left the house, what cable did we say to pack?
No that's a headphone jack!

Joanne:
Yes, Maureen.

Maureen:
No, the plugs are red and black!

Joanne:
Yes, Maureen.

Maureen:
Did you check the knapsack?

Joanne:
Yes, Maureen.

Maureen:
Then you'll have to go back.

Joanne:
I guess, Maureen.

Maureen:
We said RCA-

Joanne:
Uh- huh.

Maureen:
We said RCA-

Joanne:
You're right.

Maureen:
To connect the sampler to the digital delay-

Joanne:
Lets not get uptight.

Maureen:
To run from the amp to the video display. Am I such a dumb cow?

Joanne:
No!

Maureen:
Should I take poison now?

Joanne:
No!

Maureen:
God, this is going worse than we expected.

Joanne:
I know, Maureen.

Maureen:
How can I perform if we're unconnected?

Joanne:
I'll go Maureen.

Maureen:
It's times like these I really appreciate Mark.

HE SAYS

Mark:
Now's our chance!

Angel:
Mr. Finance lived here?

Collins:
Before the real estate career.

Mark:
We can't stay!

Roger:
Benny was a dilettante, then he met a debutante.
Go ahead, I'll catch up.

Mark:
No way!

Collins:
Come to the meeting.

Roger:
What meeting?

Angel:
He lived here?

Collins:
Support group- P.W.A.

Mark:
Benny'll be back- come!

Roger:
I don't need twelve steps.

Mark:
I know Benny, he'll make us pay.

All:
For someone cool, he's a fool.

Roger:
He kicks us out, we move- so what?

Collins:
But where- do you know?

Roger:
I've got a car, so as far as April's bucket'll go. Santa Fe, Austin...

Mark:
We couldn't make Boston.

Angel:
April?

Mark:
Suicidal girl who OD'd. He says he loved her- what he loves is to bleed.  Over two years since she left that car key, but he never drives it.

Roger:
That's enough.

Angel:
Dinner's on me.

Mark:
First the meeting, then Maureen's show.

Roger:
I'll see you at the restaurant.

Mark:
But the meeting!

...Roger punches Mark...

Ohh!
He says he'll see us at the restaurant. He says he wants to stay and play his guitar. He says he wants to be obsessed with art, like me. He says he wants to redevelop the creative side of his brain. He says he doesn't need support groups...

Roger:
I say he'll bring his camera.

Mark:
He says he doesn't know why I go when I'm not sick or queer.

Roger:
But it's to make a career!

Mark:
He says he doesn't think that love is possible anymore.

Roger:
It's not!

Mark & Roger:
One day I'll fix that car she left him/me and fly...

Mark
I don't believe a word...
I don't believe a word...
I don't believe a word he says.

...Mark, Angel, and Collins exit...

Right Brain

Roger:
Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow from this night-....

...plays guitar, but stops, frustrated...

The right brain... How do I find the right brain? I lost my map, the right brain- its when I get locked in. Find the right brain, like driving north, right brain-Pacific Coast Highway... from San Simeon to Big Sur. Find the right brain, the sight of the sky, the right brain-the sound of the ocean. The ocean... Find the right brain, hugging the curves, the right brain, as the sun sets. The right brain- through the trees into the sea. Time flies.... time dies. Right brain. Can't find the right brain. I can't find the right brain. Right brain....Find, the right brain- like driving her head over the edge of the bed,
breathing the only sound. Find the right brain, the touch of her skin, the right brain- the smell of the ocean. The ocean... Find the right brain hugging the curves, the right brain- as you enter, the right brain- through her thighs into the sea. Time flies- I never needed to concentrate before. Time dies....

...a knock...

The door!

Light My Candle

Roger:
I'm not going!

Mimi:
Got a light?

Roger:
I know you, you're- you're shivering.

Mimi:
It's nothing, they turned off my heat- and I'm just a little weak on my feet. Would you light my candle? What are you staring at?

Roger:
Nothing, your hair in the moonlight. You look familiar- Can you make it?

Mimi:
Just haven't eaten much today. At least the room's stopped spinning, anyways. What?

Roger:
Nothing- your smile reminded me of-

Mimi:
I always remind people of- who is she?

Roger:
She died. Her name was April.

Mimi:
It's out again. Sorry about your friend. Would you light my candle?

Roger:
Well...

Mimi:
Yeah... ow!

Roger:
Oh, the wax! It's-

Mimi:
Dripping! I like it between my-

Roger:
Fingers, I figured. Oh well, good night.

...Mimi exits, then knocks again...

It blew out again?

Mimi:
No! I think that I dropped my stash.

Roger:
I know I've seen you out and about, when I used to go out... Your candle's out.

Mimi:
I'm illin' I had it when I walked in the door- it was pure! Is it on the floor?

Roger:
The floor?

Mimi:
They say that I have the best ass below 14th street... Is it true?

Roger:
What?

Mimi:
You're starin' again.

Roger:
Oh no- I mean, you do- have a nice- I mean... You look familiar.

Mimi:
Like your dead girlfriend.

Roger:
Only when you smile but I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else.

Mimi:
Do you go to the Cat Scratch Club? That's where I work, I dance. Help me look!

Roger:
Yes! They used to tie you up!

Mimi:
It's a living.

Roger:
I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs!

Mimi:
We could light the candle. Oh won't you light the candle?

Roger:
Why don't you forget that stuff? You look like you're sixteen.

Mimi:
I'm nineteen- but I'm old for my age. I'm just born to be bad!

Roger:
I once was born to be bad. I used to shiver like that.

Mimi:
I have no heat, I told you.

Roger:
I used to sweat-

Mimi:
I got a cold-

Roger:
Uh- huh, I used to be a junkie.

Mimi:
Now and then I like to-

Roger:
Uh- huh.

Mimi:
Feel good.

Roger:
Here it- oh, no.

Mimi:
What's that?

Roger:
Candy bar wrapper.

Mimi:
We could light the candle. Oh what'd you do with my candle?

Roger:
That was my last match.

Mimi:
Our eyes'll adjust. Thank god for the moon.

Roger:
Maybe it's not the moon at all. I heard Spike Lee's shooting down the street.

Mimi:
Bah Humbug. Bah Humbug.

Roger:
Cold hands.

Mimi:
Yours, too. Big, like my father's. Do you wanna dance?

Roger:
With you?

Mimi:
No, with my father.

Roger:
I'm Roger.

Mimi:
They call me, they call me, Mimi.

On the Street

Homeless person:
Christmas bells are ringing....
Christmas bells are ringing....
Christmas bells are ringing-
somewhere else.
Not here.

Voice Mail #2

... the phone rings...

Maureen:
Hi, you've reached Maureen and Joanne. Leave a message, and don't forget: Over the Moon, my performance protesting the 11th Street rezoning, tonight at 1 am at the 11th Street lot between A and B. Party at Life Cafe to follow.

...from answering machine...

Mr. Jefferson:
Well Joanne, we're off. Call Daisy for our itinerary, or Alfred at Pound Ridge, or Eileen at the State Department in a pinch. We'll be at the spa for New Year's- unless the Senator changes his mind.

Mrs. Jefferson:
The hearings!

Mr. Jefferson:
Oh, yes, Muffin: Mummy's confirmation hearing begins on the 10th- we'll need you- alone- by the sixth for the briefings and the luncheons on the eighth.

Mrs. Jefferson:
Harold!

Mr. Jefferson:
You hear that? It's three weeks away, and she's already nervous!

Mrs. Jefferson:
I am not!

Mr. Jefferson:
For Mummy's sake Muffin- no doc martins this time. And wear a dress. Oh, and Muffin- have a Merry-

Mrs. Jefferson:
And a bra!!

Female to Female B

Maureen:
Did you check the hall?

Joanne:
I checked!

Maureen:
Underneath the bed?

Joanne:
Right!

Maureen:
At the studio, no RCA's and we're dead.

Joanne:
Hang tight.

Maureen:
The cops are clearing out the lot by morning.

Joanne:
It's true, Maureen.

Maureen:
We'll lose our shot- my piece could be a warning.

Joanne:
What should I do, Maureen?

Maureen:
It's times like these I really appreciate Mark.

Joanne:
I heard you before.

Maureen:
How can someone so bright be so utterly in the dark?

Joanne:
Look, no more! Isn't enough that I scratch your every itch?

Maureen:
Bitch!

Joanne:
Isn't enough that I paid for all this?

Maureen:
Kiss.

Joanne:
Isn't it enough that I put up every day with a temperamental, selfish, abusive-

Maureen:
Sexy!

Joanne:
All right, sexy!

Maureen:
Talented, brilliant-

Joanne:
Infuriating-

Maureen:
Funny.

Joanne:
Can you feel it too? Immature-

Maureen:
Post-modern goddess!

Joanne:
And oh-so modest!

Maureen:
Kiss me!

Joanne:
I adore your eyes, I adore your eyes!

Maureen:
And my lousy reviews.

Joanne:
And your lousy-

Maureen:
Hey!

Joanne:
It's one little pan

Maureen:
I know.

Joanne:
So the times ain't a fan-

Maureen:
Oh no!

Joanne:
One day they'll all beg to carve a statue of you.

Maureen:
I love you more each day.

Joanne:
I love you, Maureen!

Maureen:
RCA's! On the table.... if you love me, run home and bring back the cable!

Joanne:
I hate you, Maureen!

Maureen:
Run!

Joanne:
Yes, Maureen.

Maureen:
If you fly I promise I will kiss you in a thousand places!

Joanne:
The mind races, my queen!

Maureen:
The feet race, the feet race, GO!

Joanne:
Go over your speech!

Maureen:
Go home or I'll screech!

Maureen & Joanne:
Female to female, female to female...

Maureen:
My speech: Last night I had this...shit! This what?
This dream.
Last night I had this dream, last night I had this dream, last night I had this dream, last night I had this...
Female to female...

Another Day

Roger:
Who do you think you are?
Barging in on me and my guitar.
Little girl- hey- the door is that way-
you better go, you know the fire's out anyway.
Take the powder - take your candle.
Your sweet whisper, I just can't handle.
Well take your hair in the moonlight....
Your brown eyes- goodbye, goodnight.
I should tell you, I should tell you....
I should tell you, I should- no!
Another time- another place.
Our temperature would climb, there'd be a long embrace.
We'd do another dance, it'd be another play.
Looking for romance? Come back another day....
Another day....
Another, another day.
Another, another day.

Mimi:
Your pain I see....
Your hearts been burned.
You're just like me before I learned....
There is no future- there is no past.
I live this moment as my last.
There's only us, there's only this.
Forget regret or life is yours to miss.
No other road, no other way.
No day but today.

Roger:
Excuse me if I'm off track!
But if you're so wise then tell me-
why do you need smack?
Honey get real- here's the deal:
it's time for you to book-
I mean look your cute but I don't buy that schpiel.
Take your needle, take your fancy prayer-
and don't forget, get the moonlight out of your hair.
Long ago you might've lit up my heart-
but the fire's dead- ain't never ever gonna start.
Another time- another place, the words would only rhyme:
we'd be in outer space.
It'd be another song, we'd sing another way...
You wanna prove me wrong?
Come back another day.
Another day....

Mimi:
Your anger's real but just beware-
it's a waste to feel that fate's unfair.
There's no such thing as tragedy.
I can't resent what's meant to be.
There's only yes, only tonight.
We must let go to know what's right.
No other course, no other way.
No day but today....

Mimi & ensemble:
I can't control my destiny.
I trust my soul....
My only goal is just to be....
There's only now, there's only here.
Give in to love, or live in fear.
No other path, no other way.
No day but today....

Roger:
Control your temper!
She doesn't see....
Who says that there's a soul?
Just let me be....
Who do you think you are?
Barging in on me and my guitar.
Little girl, hey- The door is that way.
The fire's out anyway....

Mimi & ensemble:
No day but today.... No day but today.... No day but today.... No day but today.... No day but today....

Roger:
Take the powder, take the candle.
Take your whisper, take your moonlit hair.
Take your brown eyes, your pretty smile, your silhouette.
Another time, another place, another rhyme, a warm embrace....
Another dance, another way, another chance....
Another day....

Mimi:
No day but today....

On the Street #2

Homeless people:
Christmas bells are ringing...
Christmas bells are ringing...
Christmas bells are ringing -
Out of town.
Santa Fe.

Squeegieman:
Honest living, man!

...a car squeals by...

Feliz Navidad!

Homeless person:
Evening, officers.

Mark:
Smile for Ted Koppel, Officer Martin!

Homeless person:
And a Merry Christmas to your family!

Police officers:
Right!!

Woman with bags:
Who the fuck do you think you are?
I don't need no goddamn help from some bleeding heart cameraman!  My life's not for you to make a name for yourself on!

Angel:
Easy, sugar, easy.  He was just trying to -

Woman with bags:
Just trying to use me to kill his guilt!
It's not that kind of movie, honey- let's go.
This lot is full of motherfucking artists!
Hey artist - got a dollar?
I thought not.

Santa Fe

Angel:
New York City.

Mark:
Uh huh.

Angel:
Center of the universe!

Collins:
Sing it, girl!

Angel:
Times are shitty-
but I'm pretty sure they can't get worse.

Mark:
I hear you.

Angel:
It's a comfort to know
when you're singing the hit-the-road blues,
that anywhere else you could possibly go
after New York would be a pleasure cruise.

Collins:
Now you're talking.
Well, I'm thwarted by a metaphysic puzzle...
And I'm sick of grading papers - that I know.
And I'm shouting in my sleep, I need a muzzle...
All this misery pays no salary, so...
We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe.
Oh sunny Santa Fe would be nice!
We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe...
And leave this to the roaches and mice.
Oh- oh...

All:
Oh.....

Angel:
You teach?

Collins:
I teach - Computer Age Philosophy!
But the students would rather watch TV.

Angel:
America.

All:
America!

Angel:
I preach.

Collins:
Hallelujah!

Angel:
I beat the drum of apocalypse
like orchestras on sinking ships.

Collins:
America!

All:
AMERICA!

Collins:
You're a sensitive aesthete-
brush the sauce onto the meat!
You could make the menu sparkle with rhyme...
You could drum a gentle drum-
I could seat guests as they come:
chatting not about Heidegger, but wine!
We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe...

Mark, Angel, & homeless people:
Santa Fe!

Collins:
Our labors would reap financial gains...

Mark, Angel, & homeless people:
Gains, gains, gains...

Collins:
We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe!
And save from devastation our brains.

Homeless people:
Save our brains!

All:
We'll pack up all our junk and fly so far away...
Devote ourselves to projects that sell!
We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe...

Collins:
Forget this cold Bohemian hell...
Oh-

All:
Oh-

Collins:
Do you know the way to Santa Fe?
You know- tumbleweeds...prairie dogs...
Yeah!

I'll Cover You

Mark:
Oh my god!

Angel & Collins:
What?

Mark:
Maureen! Quick, don't look…is she with anyone?

Angel:
You said not to look!

Mark:
Shit!

Collins:
She's alone.

Mark:
That's it.

...Mark exits...

Angel:
We'll never be that desperate.

Collins:
You'll never have to be!

Angel:
I've been hearing violins all night!

Collins:
Anything to do with me? Are we a thing?

Angel:
Darling... we're everything!
Live in my house,
I'll be your shelter.
Just pay me back
with one thousand kisses!
Be my lover- and I'll cover you....

Collins:
Open your door-
I'll be your tenant.
Don't got much baggage
to lay at your feet.
But sweet kisses I've got to spare....
I'll be there- and I'll cover you....

Both:
And I think they meant it
when they said you can't buy love.
Now I know you can rent it:
A new lease you are, my love-
on life- be my life!
Just slip me on!
I'll be your blanket.
Wherever- whatever- I'll be your coat!

Angel:
You'll be my king,
and I'll be your castle!

Collins:
No you'll be my queen,
and I'll be your moat!

Both:
I think they meant it
when they said you can't buy love.
Now I know you can rent it:
A new lease you are, my love-
on life- all my life....
I've longed to discover
something as true as this is....

Collins:
So with a thousand sweet kisses....
I'll cover you!
With a thousand sweet kisses...
I'll cover you!

Angel:
If you're cold
and you're lonely....
You've got one nickel only!
With a thousand sweet kisses....
I'll cover you!
With a thousand sweet kisses....
I'll cover you!

Collins:
When you're worn out and tired....
When your heart has expired!

Both:
Oh lover I'll cover you....
Oh lover I'll cover you....

WILL I?

Soloist:
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
from this nightmare?

Group #1:
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
from this nightmare?

Group #2
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
from this nightmare?

Group #3
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
from this nightmare?

Group #4
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
from this nightmare?

Get Over It

Maureen:
It's times like these I really appreciate... Mark!
Dear, I'm so glad you're here!
Honey, baby! You've lost some weight!
I mean, you always looked great...

Mark:
I try, Maureen.

Maureen:
Back when we used to date...

Mark:
You lie, Maureen.

Maureen:
Now let's not get irate.

Mark:
Why, Maureen?

Maureen:
Joanne ran for cable, but of course she's late!

Mark:
I don't know why I even try, Maureen.

Maureen:
My samples won't delay, but my cable-

Mark:
There's another way- say something, anything.

Maureen:
Test one, two- one, two, three!

Mark:
Anything but that!
Tell me what it's like!

Maureen:
What?

Mark:
With a girl!
Tell me what it's like for a girl and a girl!

Maureen:
No way!

Mark:
Tell me, or I walk away!

Maureen:
It's amazing!

Mark:
Who's on top? Who wears the pants? Who leads when you dance? Give me one more chance, Maureen! This is just a phase, like girls and horses! And you never even wore flannel shirts! You'll get over it.

Maureen:
How's it going?

Mark:
Not good- I'm depressed.

Maureen:
I meant the sampler!

Mark:
I'm adapting, repatching.

Maureen:
Thank god! You're the best!

Mark:
Ha!

Maureen:
Don't be depressed!
Tell me how you've been!

Mark:
Why?

Maureen:
Cause I care! Tell me how you've been- god, time flies!

Mark:
Don't patronize!

Maureen:
Tell me! We used to be friends!

Mark:
I'm lonely, bored, and horny...

Maureen:
Is there no one new? You need a mate! It's not too late! Have you even had one date, boy? You just need some time, and you'll be fine, Mark.  Anyway, I treated you like dirt. You'll get over it.  Just remember what you hate about me... though it may be hard!

Mark:
How can you be so content without me? How can you disregard all we had?

Maureen:
Dysfunction!

Mark:
All we said?

Maureen:
I'm over men!

Mark:
All we did?

Maureen:
I slept around!

Mark:
And will again!
Tell me what you'll do!

Maureen:
When?

Mark:
When you're bored. Tell me what you'll do when you're tired of girls.

Maureen:
I won't!

Mark:
I'll tell you- you'll run back to me!

Maureen:
Your fantasy!

Mark:
You always do!

Maureen:
Don't hold your breath!

Mark:
I know your kind, always change your mind...

Maureen:
Don't be so blind!  Can't you see- all my life I've known who I was meant to be...

Mark:
But you never even liked k.d. lang!

Both:
You'll get over it!

Mark:
This is just a fad, just a phase. You'll get over it.

Maureen:
You just need to get laid! You'll get over it. In time we'll laugh about this! You'll get over it.

Mark:
In time you'll beg for my kiss!

Maureen:
Don't bet on it!

Mark:
Try it now.

Maureen:
You'll get over it... (You'll get over it, You'll get over it, You'll get...)

...Maureen gives Mark a huge hug...

Grrrrrr!

Mark:
I'd call this cause for hope!

Maureen:
I would call this platonic.
Don't grope!

...Joanne enters...

Honey! You're back!
Um... we're patched.

Christmas Bells

Homeless people:
Christmas bells are ringing...
Christmas bells are ringing...
Christmas bells are ringing-
somewhere else!
Not here!

Squeegieman:
Honest living, honest living, honest living, honest living, honest living, honest living, honest living, honest living, honest...

Homeless people:
Christmas bells are singing...
Christmas bells are singing...
Christmas bells are singing-
on TV!
At Saks!
Can't you spare a dime or two?
Here but for the grace of god go you...
You'll be merry, I'll be merry-
well merry ain't in my vocabulary!
No sleigh bells, no Santa Claus, no yule log.
No tinsel, no holly, no hearth, no-

Homeless man:
Rudolph the red- nosed reindeer!
Homeless people:
Rudolph the red- nosed reindeer!
No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no!
And it's beginning to snow...

Vendor 1:
Hats!

Vendor 2:
Bats!

Vendor 3:
Shoes!

Vendor 4:
Boots!

Vendor 5:
Mountain bikes!

Vendor 6:
Potpourri!

Vendor 7:
Leather bags!

Vendor 8:
Girlie mags!

Vendor 9:
Tommy guns!

All:
AZT!

Homeless man:
No one's buying- feel like cryin'?

Homeless people:
No Visa, no Mastercard, no AmEx, no traveler's checks, no dollars, no cents, no-

Homeless man:
Frosty the Snowman!

Homeless people:
Frosty the Snowman!
No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no!
And it's beginning to snow!

Coat vendor:
How about a fur in perfect shape-
owned by an MBA from uptown?
I got a tweed broken in by a greedy broker who went broke-and then broke down.

Random person:
Happy Chanukah, baby.

Coat vendor:
I got twenty yellow french- cut trench coats- worn by Warren Beatty in a movie, for real!! I got cashmere, or if you're thinking cas, dear- if you've got the cash we're here to deal.

Collins:
You don't have to do this.

Angel:
Hush your mouth it's Christmas!

Collins:
I do not deserve you Angel! Give, give...

Angel:
Wait.

Collins:
All you do-

Angel:
What's on the floor?

Collins:
Is give...
Give me some way-

Angel:
Let's see some more!

Collins:
To show-

Angel:
No, no, no, no...

Collins:
How you've touched me so!

Angel:
Kiss me it's beginning to snow!

...elsewhere...

Mark:
She said "Would you light my candle?" and she on a pout, and she wanted you to take her out tonight?

Roger:
Right.

Mark:
That's great!

Roger:
She was more than okay but I pushed her away. It was bad- I got mad, and I had to get her out of my sight...

Mark:
Wait, wait, wait. You said she was sweet?

Roger:
Let's go eat. I'll just get fat, it's the one vice left when you're dead meat...
No kisses...

Mark:
I saw Maureen...

Roger:
No alcohol.

Mark:
She's in the lot.

Roger:
No sex.

Mark:
She still might care!

Roger:
Look, that's her there!

Mark:
Where?

Roger:
There, that's her!

Mark:
Maureen?

Roger:
Mimi!

Mark:
Whoa!

Roger:
I should go.

Both:
Hey, it's beginning to snow!

Police officers:
I'm dreaming of a white, right Christmas!

Mimi and junkies:
Follow the man, follow the man, with his pockets full of the jam. Follow the man, follow the man. Help me out daddy if you can... Got any D man?

The Man:
I'm cool.

Mimi and junkies:
Got any C man?

The Man:
I'm cool.

Mimi and junkies:
Got any X? Any smack? Any horse? Any joogie- boogie boy, any blow?  I'm willin', I'm illin', I gotta get my sickness off. Gotta run, gotta ride, got a gun, gotta hide, gotta go!

Roger:
Hey!

Mimi:
Hey.

Roger:
I just wanna say-

Mimi:
What?

Roger:
I just wanna say-

The Man:
Hey how's it goin', you're in my space. I shoulda known a familiar face. Where you been buying some other place? Is this your lovely lady? Lookin' good, Ace.

Roger:
I just wanna say, I'm sorry for the way-

Mimi:
Forget it.

Roger:
I blew up... Can I make it up to you?

Mimi:
How?

Roger:
Dinner party?

Mimi:
That'll do.

The Man:
Hey Lover Boy, cutie pie- you steal my client, you die!

Roger:
You didn't miss me, you won't miss her. You'll never lack for a customer!

Junkies:
I'm willin', I'm illin', I gotta get my sickness off. Gotta run, gotta ride, got a gun, gotta hide, gotta go!

The Man:
And it's beginning to snow!

...elsewhere...

Maureen:
Joanne!

Joanne:
All right, Maureen.

...

...simultaneously...

Junkies:
Got any C man? Got any D man? Got any B man? Got any crack? Got any X?  Got any C man? Got any D man? Got any B man? Got any crack? Got any X?

Vendor:
L.L. Bean, Geoffrey Beene, Burberry- zip- out lining.

Roger:
Mark, this is Mimi. She'll be dining with us.

Vendor:
Here's a new arrival.

The Man:
That IS an ounce.

Vendor:
Hats, dats, bats!

Collins:
That's my coat!

Vendor:
We give discounts!

Mark:
I think we've met.

Angel:
Let's get a better one.

Collins:
It's a sham!

Mimi:
That's what he said!

The Man:
I said it's a gram!

Collins:
But she's a thief!

Angel:
But she brought us together!

Vendor:
Shoes, boots, screws, noose!

Collins:
I'll take the leather.

Homeless people & Vendors:
Christmas bells are swinging.
Christmas bells are ringing.
Christmas bells are singing.
In my dreams- next year.
Once you donate you can go celebrate in Tuckahoe.
You'll feel cheery, I'll feel cheery- though I don't really know that theory.
No bathrobes, no steuben glass, no cappuccino makers.
No pearls, no diamonds, no chestnuts roasting on an open fire...
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire!
No room at the Holiday Inn- oh no!

Police officers:
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know.
Jingle bells, prison cells.
Fa la la la la- fa la la la la
You have the right to remain
Silent night- O holy night!
Fall on your knees, oh night divine.
You'll do some time!
Fa la la la la- fa la la la la.

Angel (& Vendor):
25 (15) 25 (15) 25 (15) No way! (24) 15 (24) 15 (Not today- 23) 15 (23)
15- It's old! (22) 15 (21) 15 (17) 15 (15) SOLD!

Mark & Roger:
Let's go to the lot. Maureen's performing.

Mimi:
Who's Maureen?

Roger:
His ex.

Mark:
But I am over her.

Roger:
Let's not hold hands yet.

Mimi:
Is that a warning?

Mark, Roger & Mimi:
He/you/I just need(s) to take it slow.
I should tell you, I should tell you, I should tell you, I should tell
you, I should tell you...

Everyone:
And it's beginning to...
And it's beginning to...
And it's beginning to...

Maureen:
Last night I had this dream.

Everyone:
Snow!!

Over the Moon

Maureen:
Last night, I had this dream. I dreamt I was in a desert. It was hot. My canteen had sprung a leak and I was thirsty. I happened upon a herd of cattle. They too were lost. Even worse, they were blind. I asked a cow, Elsie, what blind cattle were doing in the desert. She said she wasn't blind- she was visually challenged. She gouged her eyes out! She gouged her eyes out! Did you sleep with your mother and murder your father?, I asked. "Worse," she said. "I got cable." She said, "Only thing to do is jump over the moon. Only thing to do is jump over the moon." Wait a minute. I have cable too, I said. But I haven't blinded myself and wandered into the desert. My lips were chapped and dry.  I needed a diet Coke. "This desert was once an orchard," she said. "and the fruit that grew here was rare- fertilized with milk and honey. They laid the cable, and the fruit died. Only one way to restore..."

Backups:
Leap of faith, leap of faith.
Leap of faith, leap of faith.

Maureen:
"Only thing to do is jump over the moon. Only thing to do is jump over the moon. Children, artists, lovers jump over the moon every day! I can't get off the ground! Children, artists, lovers possess the tools to awe, compassion, imagination! Cows do not! It's like I've got this big hook stuck in my back, fastened to a long black cable! I blinded myself because I wanted to see! To jump over the moon..."

Backups:
Leap of faith, leap of faith.
Leap of faith, leap of faith.

Maureen:
"Only thing to do is jump over the moon... Then another cow approached- Ferdinand." "That's bull," he said. "Their eyes out 'cuz they read too many books and newspapers. They thought they say degradation- it was depravity. The thought they saw greed- it was merely survival. They thought they saw disease- it was justice. This is just a dry spell. Before we know it, the fruit will reappear." "Not without a leap of faith," Elsie said. She asked if I was still thirsty. Parched. "Have some milk." I lowered myself beneath her, held my mouth up to her swollen udder, and sucked the sweetest milk I had ever tasted.  And I as wiped my mouth off with my pajama sleeve, a harvest moon rose out of the dream horizon. Elsie reared back and sprang into a gallop!  Leaping, finally she was airborne! Soaring over the desert, beyond the cable, until she was zooming out of orbit! And I awoke singing...

Backups:
Leap of faith, leap of faith
Leap of faith, leap of faith.....

Maureen:
Only thing to do... Only thing to do is jump... Only thing to do is jump over the moon! Only thing to do is jump over the moon! The moon! The moooon! Mooooooooooon! Mooooooooooo! Moooooooooooooo!
Thank you.

La Vie Boheme

Waiter:
No please no, not tonight, please no, mister can't you go, not tonight, can't have a scene!

Roger:
What?

Waiter:
Go please, go- you, hello sir, I said no, important customer!

Mark:
What am I? Just a blur?

Waiter:
You sit all night, you never buy!

Roger:
That's a lie! That's a lie! I had a tea the other day.

Waiter:
You couldn't pay!

Roger:
Oh yeah.

Collins:
Benjamin Coffin III - here?

Waiter:
Oh no!

All:
Wine and beer!!

Maureen:
The enemy of Avenue A - will stay

Waiter:
Oy Vey!

Collins:
What brings our distinguished slum lord to the Life Cafe?

Benny:
Hold on boys, gotta do a little business.  So you're off the hook for now.

Collins:
The video franchise?

Benny:
Who said you're not smart?

Roger:
Blockbuster.

Girls:
Blockbuster?

Person:
Blockbuster!

Maureen:
Wow!

Benny:
Mimi! I'm surprised. A bright and charming girl like you hangs out with these slackers. They make fun yet I'm the one attempting to do some good. Or do you really want a neighborhood where people piss on your stoop every night? Bohemia, Bohemia's a fallacy in your head. This is Calcutta. Bohemia is dead.

Mark:
Dearly beloved, we gather here to say our good-byes.

Collins & Roger:
Dires irae, dires illa....

Mark:
Here she lies. No one knew her worth.  The late, great daughter of mother Earth.  On this night when we celebrate the birth, in that little town of Bethlehem, we raise our glass, you bet your ass to - la vie boheme!

All:
La Vie Boheme, La Vie Boheme, La Vie Boheme, La Vie Boheme....

Mark:
To days of inspiration playin' hooky, making something out of nothing, the need to express, to communicate. To going against the grain, going insane, going mad! To loving tension, no pension, to more than one dimension, to starving for attention, hating convention, hating pretension, not to mention of course hating dear old mom and dad!

To riding your bike midday past the three piece suits, to fruits, to no absolutes, to Absolut, to choice, to the Village Voice, to any passing fad! To being an us for once, instead of a them!

All:
La Vie Boheme! La Vie Boheme.

Maureen:
Is the equipment in a pyramid?

Joanne:
It is, Maureen.

Maureen:
The mixer doesn't have a case.  Don't give me that face!

...Maureen slaps her behind...

Lady:
Ahem!

Maureen:
Hey sister, she's my sister

Waiter:
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad, three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter, and one pasta with meatless balls?

Girl:
Ew!

Collins:
It tastes the same.

Mimi:
If you close your eyes.

Waiter:
And seven orders of fries. Is that it here?

All:
Wine and beer!

Mimi & Angel
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries, to yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese. To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo, to huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou!

Collins & Maureen:
Emotion devotion, to causing a commotion, creation, vacation.

Mark:
Mucho masturbation!

Collins & Maureen:
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new!

Collins:
To Sontag!

Angel:
To Sondheim!   

Collins & Maureen:
To anything taboo!

Collins & Roger:
Ginsburg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage!

Collins:
Lenny Bruce!  

Roger:
Langston Hughes! 

Maureen:
To the stage!

Person:
To Uta!

Person:
To Buddha! 

Person:
Pablo Neruda, too!

Mark & Mimi:
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow - to blow off Auntie Em!

All:
La Vie Boheme!

Maureen:
And wipe the speakers off before you pack.

Joanne:
Yes, Maureen.

Maureen:
Well, hurry back!

...Maureen kisses her...

Lady:
Sisters?!?

Maureen:
We're close!

Angel, Collins, Mark, & Maureen:
Brothers!

Mark, Collins, Mimi, & half ensemble
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homosapiens, carcinogens, hallucinogens, men- Pee Wee Herman. German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein, Antonioni, Burtolucci, Kurosawa, Carmina Burana!

Roger, Maureen, Angel, and other half of ensemble: CBGBs, De Lasso, tabouli, body fluids, KS lesions, funny looks, transfusions, silence equals death. ?dairy? Bertol Brecht, foods including Cannabis santiva, Camel lights, Carmen Miranda, Nirvana!

All:
To apathy- to entropy- to empathy, ecstasy! Vaclav Havel, the Sex Pistols, 8BC- to no shame, never playin' the fame game!

Collins:
To marijuana!!!

All:
To sodomy- it's between God and me! To S&M!

Benny:
Waiter, waiter, waiter!

All:
La Vie Boheme!

Collins:
In honor of the death of Bohemia, an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner. Mimi Marquez, clad in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair handcuff dance to the sounds of ice tea being stirred!

Roger:
Mark Cohen will preview the documentary he'll never finish, "The Parting of the Red Sea" about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days, starring his former lover's current female lover as himself!

Mark:
And Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the 11th street lot, will sing Native American tribal chants backward through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello - which she has never studied!

...aside to Maureen...

Meet you in the bathroom.

Maureen:
You're not serious?!

Mark:
I am.

Maureen:
How was the show?

Mark:
You know you're good. I'll bring the dental dam!

Maureen:
Don't take it the wrong way, but Mark, honey, take a hike!

Mark:
Some auld lang syne between friends!?

Maureen:
Hello!! I'm a dyke!

Lady:
Another brother?

Maureen:
Ex-lover.

Person:
Roger will attempt to commit to an ending for his bittersweet evocative guitar solo symbolizing the death of Kenickie!

...Roger plays a few notes..

Mark:
Not now, Roger.

Collins:
Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the ten-gallon plastic pickle tub.

Angel:
And Collins will recount to us his exploits as anarchist, including the tale of his successful reprogramming of the MIT virtual reality equipment to self-destruct as it broadcast the words:

All:
Actual reality! Act up! Fight AIDS!

Benny:
Check!

Mimi:
Excuse me, did I do something wrong? I get invited, then ignored, all night long!

Roger:
I've been tryin', I'm not lying. No one's perfect, I've got baggage!

Mimi:
Life's too short, babe, time is flyin'. I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine!

Roger:
I should tell you.

Mimi:
I've got baggage, too, should tell you!

Both:
Baggage, wine!

All:
And beer!

Women:
Rest in peace...

Men:
Bon Voyage, goodbye!

Women:
Bohemia!

Men:
You're much to young to die!

All:
Here's one last toast, for you our heart still throbs. Send back your ghost, or else we'll have to get real jobs!
To Dance!

Mimi & person:
No way to make a living. Masochism, pain, perfection, muscle spasms, chiropractors, short careers, eating disorders! Film!

Mark:
Adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations, darkrooms, perfect faces, egos, money, Hollywood and sleaze!

Collins, Maureen, and Mimi:
Music!

Angel & Roger:
Food of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation, rhythm, power, feeling, harmony and heavy competition!

All:
Anarchy!

Maureen:
Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions, forcing changes, risk and danger, making noise, and making pleas!

All:
To faggots, lezzies, dykes- cross dressers, too...

Maureen:
To me!

Mark & person:
To me!

Person:
To me!

All:
To you, and you and you, you and you! To people living with, living with, living with - not dying from disease! Let he among us without sin be the first to condemn! La Vie Boheme! La Vie Boheme! La Vie Boheme!...

Mark:
Anyone out of the mainstream? Is anyone in the mainstream? Anyone alive with a sex drive? Tear down the wall, aren't we all?
The opposite of war isn't peace-
it's creation!

All:
Viva La Vie Boheme!


AZT Break

...several beepers sound...

Collins:
AZT break!

Angel:
DDI!

Maureen:
The ever-popular DDC-Zovarax-Prozac cocktail!

...Joanne witnesses Maureen taking the pills...

This is not what you think.

Joanne:
Then what? Why use it?

Maureen:
Joanne, it's just Mark.

Roger:
You?

Mimi:
Me - you?

Roger:
Mimi.

Joanne:
By the way, I almost forgot! They're rioting back at the lot! Benny says evict, cops don't know what they're doing.  No one's leaving, they're sitting there mooing! Thank you, Joanne for everything you've
done - oh don't mention it! I love being a wreck.

Waiter:
I'll bring the check.


I SHOULD TELL YOU

Roger:
I should tell you, I should tell you....

Mimi:
I should tell you, I should tell you....

Roger:
I should tell you I'm disaster.... I forget how to begin it.

Mimi:
Let's just make this part go faster...  I have yet to be in it.
I should tell you....

Roger:
I should tell you....

Mimi:
I should tell you....

Roger:
I should tell you....

Mimi:
I should tell that I can't sleep at night- I'm scared to close my eyes.

Roger:
Lately I'm so filled with fright- I rarely share, I criticize.

Mimi:
I should tell you....

Roger:
I should tell you....

Mimi:
I should tell you....

Roger:
I should tell you....

Mimi:
I should tell my style of fighting - I don't move for days, or speak.

Roger:
I get flustered with my writing- catatonic for a week.

Mimi:
I should tell you....

Roger:
I should tell you....

Mimi:
I should tell you....

Both:
I should tell.... well, here we go.  Now we....-

Mimi:
Oh no!

Roger:
I know this something is.... here goes....

Mimi:
Here goes.

Roger:
Guess so.... it's starting to.... who knows....

Mimi:
Who knows?

Roger:
Do what it does....

Mimi:
We'll go where....

Roger:
I know.... there because....

Mimi:
Because we're starting to....

Roger:
Something.... guess so....

Mimi:
Who knows?

Both:
Who knows where? Who goes there?
Who knows? Here goes!
Trusting desire- starting to learn. 
Walking through fire without a burn. 
Clinging- a shoulder, a leap begins....
Stinging and older, asleep on pins....
So here we go....
Now we....

Roger:
Oh no!

Mimi:
I know.

Roger:
Oh no.

Both:
Who knows where? Who goes there?

Roger:
Who knows?

Mimi:
Who knows?

Roger:
Who goes?

Mimi:
Who goes?

Both:
Here goes.... here goes.... here goes....
here goes.... here goes.... here goes....