12/22/01 i killed my cat thursday night.  he was sick - cancer, and they wanted to do surgery and chemo but fuck, he was already miserable and they said the treatment 'might' help for 6 months to 2 years.  he was 16 years old, down to 7 lbs.  i just couldn't see putting him through any more but God, it hurt.  lisa and i told them "no more".  so they put a catheter in his leg, then brought him into the room and left him with us until 'we were ready'.  we spent about 1/2 hour just talking to him, petting him, telling him we loved him.  and then he was so tired, just so tired.  he lay down and just listened to us, and let us be with him.  he was so tired, i finally told the doctor "we're ready", and she came in with a needle and said it would take about 15 seconds.  she pushed it into the catheter and lisa and i just petted him and told him we loved him.  in about 5 seconds he laid his head down on his leg, the doctor checked his heart with her stethoscope and said his heart had stopped.  we spent another few moments saying goodbye as she took him away, and then fell into each others arms crying.  and that was that.  his mother was my cat.  he was born in my house.  i've never had to 'put down' a pet before, they've always just grown old and died naturally.  it hurt.  it hurts. i kept waking up last night hearing him meowing.  sleep well, chip.  we love you. 

and, lisa left for NY the following morning at 4 fucking 15 am. but cool, she called from the village last night and was having fun.  was trying to connect with jimbo to go see TTB but it didn't work out.  s'okay, she didn't want to spend her 1st trip to NY in the theatre the whole time anyway.
12/09/01 sorry flinkers, lisa's coming to NY, not me.  maybe next year? :-)

byron utley has a new fledgling site up - go there *now* and sign up for future mailings.  there's some great things planned for the site!  

every time i go to the uni.cc boards they hang my computer.  hence, i guess i'm not going there much anymore. 

i can't remember who used to run the cristina fadale sites (both of them under 'links & stuff' on this site).  they're dead, and i have people asking me about them.  email me.

and to my tribe, happy holidays - you know how i feel about you all :-)
12/01/01 i just finished reading an article about a husband and wife in uganda - both have AIDS, but can't afford to pay for meds for both of them.  they've had to make the decision to let him buy and take what he can, she'll just die and he'll be left to try to take care of their 5 children.

it's World AIDS Day.  again.

i just about socked somebody the other day for telling me "oh, i have a good friend who's had AIDS since the late 80's and he's doing fine.  he takes all his meds regularly and if you do that, you'll be fine".  good - teach that to your kids - "it's okay if you get AIDS, you'll be just fine if you take your meds honey, no problems".

ugh.

 

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