Act I

The audience enters the theatre to a stage bare of curtains. At stage left looms a metal sculpture intended to represent: (a) a totem pole/Christmas tree that stands in an abandoned lot, (b) a wood burning stove with a snaky chimney that is at the center of MARK and ROGER's loft apartment, and (c) in Act II, a church steeple. On stage the five-musician band performs under a wooden platform surrounded by railing. The wooden platform has a staircase on the upstage side. Once the audience is in the theatre, crew and band members move about informally onstage in preparation for Act I.

Roger Davis, carrying an electric guitar, enters upstage left and crosses to a guitar amp sitting on a chair at center stage. He casually plugs his guitar into the amp and adjusts levels, then crosses downstage and sits on the table.

After a few chords, the Company, led by Mark Cohen, enters from all directions and fills the stage. Mark sets up a small tripod and a 16mm movie camera downstage center, aimed upstage. He addresses the audience.

Intro

Mark:
We begin on Christmas Eve with me, Mark, and my roommate, Roger. We live in an industrial loft on the corner of 11th street and Avenue B, the top floor of what was once a music publishing factory. Old rock 'n' roll posters hang on the walls. They have Roger's picture advertising gigs at CBGB's and the Pyramid Club. We have an illegal wood burning stove; its exhaust pipe crawls up to a skylight. All of our electrical appliances are plugged into one thick extension cord which snakes its way out a window. Outside, a small tent city has sprung up in the lot next to our building. Inside, we are freezing because we have no heat.

(He turns the camera to Roger)

Smile!

Tune Up #1

Mark:
December 24th, Nine PM
Eastern Standard Time
From here on in
I shoot without a script
See if anything comes of it
Instead of my old shit
First shot -- Roger
Tuning the Fender guitar
He hasn't played in a year

Roger:
This won't tune

Mark:
So we hear
He's just coming back
From half a year of withdrawal

Roger:
Are you talking to me?

Mark:
Not at all
Are you ready? Hold that focus -- steady
Tell the folks at home what you're doing Roger ...

Roger:
I'm writing one great song --

Mark:
The phone rings.

Roger:
Saved!

Mark:
We screen
Zoom in on the answering machine!

(An actor places a telephone on a chair and we see Mark's Mom in a  light)

Voice Mail #1

Roger & Mark's Outgoing Message:
"Speak" ... ("Beeeep!")

Mom:
That was a very loud beep
I don't even know if this is working
Mark -- Mark -- are you there
Are you screening your calls --
It's mom
We wanted to call and say we love you
And we'll miss you tomorrow
Cindy and the kids are here -- send their love
Oh, I hope you like the hot plate
Just don't leave it on, dear
When you leave the house
Oh, and Mark
We're sorry to hear that Maureen dumped you
I say c'est la vie
So let her be a lesbian...
There are other fishies in the sea
... Love Mom!

(Lights fade on Mom and answering machine)

Tune Up #2

Mark:
Tell the folks at home what you're doing Roger.

Roger:
I'm writing one great song --

Mark:
The phone rings.

Roger:
Yesss!

Mark:
We screen.

Roger & Mark's Answering Machine:
"Speak" ... ("Beeeep!")

(Lights fade up on the street: the front-door area of Mark and Roger's building. Nearby is a battered public pay phone. Tom Collins stands at the phone)

Collins:
"Chestnuts roasting ---"

Roger & Mark:
(as Mark picks up the phone)
Collins!

Collins:
I'm downstairs...

Mark:
Hey!

Collins:
Roger picked up the phone??

Mark:
No, it's me.

Collins:
Throw down the key.

(Mark pulls out a small leather pouch and drops it off the apron downstage center as if from a window; a weighted leather pouch plops down from "upstairs." Collins catches it)

Mark:
A wild night is now pre-ordained.

(Two thugs appear from above, with clubs. They are obviously close to attacking Collins, who says back into the phone..)

Collins:
I may be detained.

(Thugs mime beating and kicking Collins, who falls to the ground as lights on him fade)

Mark:
What does he mean...?
(Phone rings again)
What do you mean "detained"?

(Lights come up on Benny, who's on a cellular phone)

Benny:
Ho ho ho.

Mark & Roger:
Benny! Shit.

Benny:
Dudes, I'm on my way.

Mark & Roger:
Great! Fuck.

Benny:
I need the rent.

Mark:
What rent?

Benny:
This past year's rent which I let slide.

Mark:
Let slide? You said we were 'golden

Roger:
When you bought the building

Mark:
When we were roommates

Roger:
Remember -- you lived here!?

Benny:
How could I forget?
You, me, Collins and Maureen
How is the drama queen?

Mark:
She's performing tonight

Benny:
I know.
Still her production manager?

Mark:
Two days ago I was bumped

Benny:
You still dating her?

Mark:
Last month I was dumped

Roger:
She's in love

Benny:
She's got a new man?

Mark:
Well -- no

Benny:
What's his name?

Both Roger & Mark:
Joanne!

Benny:
Rent, my amigos, is due
Or I will have to evict you
Be there in a few.

(Roger defiantly picks out Musetta's theme from Puccini's La Boheme on the electric guitar. The fuse blows on the amp)

Mark:
The power blows ...

Rent

(The Company bursts into a flurry of movement. Then everyone except Mark and Roger freeze in a group upstage)

Mark:
How do you document real life
When real life is getting more
Like fiction each day
Headlines -- bread-lines
Blow my mind
And now this deadline
"Eviction -- or pay"
Rent!

Roger:
How do you write a song
When the chords sound wrong
Though they once sounded right and rare
When the notes are sour
Where is the power
You once had to ignite the air

Mark:
And we're hungry and frozen

Roger:
Some life that we've chosen

Roger & Mark Together:
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
Last year's rent

Mark:
We light candles

Roger:
How do you start a fire
When there's nothing to burn
And it feels like something's stuck in your flue

Mark:
How can you generate heat
When you can't feel your feet

Both:
And they're turning blue!

Mark:
You light up a mean blaze

(Roger grabs one of his own posters)

Roger:
With posters --

(Mark grabs old manuscripts)

Mark:
And screenplays

Roger & Mark:
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
Last year's rent

(Lights go down on the loft and go up on Joanne Jefferson, who's at the pay phone)

Joanne:
(On the phone)
Don't screen, Maureen
It's me -- Joanne
Your substitute production manager
Hey hey hey! (Did you eat?)
Don't change the subject Maureen
But darling -- you haven't eaten all day
You won't throw up
You won't throw up
The digital delay ---
Didn't blow up (exactly)
There may have been one teeny tiny spark
You're not calling Mark!

Collins:
How do you stay on your feet
When on every street
It's 'trick or treat'
(And tonight it's 'trick')
'Welcome back to town'
Oh, I should lie down
Everything's brown
And uh -- oh
I feel sick

Mark:
(At the window)
Where is he?

Collins:
Getting dizzy
(He collapses)

Mark & Roger:
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
Last year's rent

(Mark and Roger stoke the fire. Crosscut to Benny's Range Rover)

Benny:
(On cellular phone)
Alison baby -- you sound sad
I don't believe those two after everything I've done
Ever since our wedding I'm dirt -- They'll see
I can help them all out in the long run

(Three locales: Joanne at the pay phone, Mark and Roger in their loft, and Collins on the ground. The following is sung simultaneously)

Benny:
Forces are gathering
Forces are gathering
Can't turn away
Forces are gathering

Collins:
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh-- I can't think
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh-- I need a drink

Mark:  (reading from a script page)
"The music ignites the night with passionate fire"

Joanne:
Maureen -- I'm not a theatre person

Roger:
"The narration crackles and pops with incendiary wit"

Joanne:
Could never be a theatre person

Mark:
Zoom in as they burn the past to the ground

Joanne (realizing she's been cut off)
Hello?

Mark & Roger:
And feel the heat of the future's glow

Joanne:
Hello?

(The phone rings in the loft. Mark picks it up)

Mark:
(On phone)
Hello? Maureen?
--Your equipment won't work?
Okay, all right, I'll go!

Mark & Half the Company:
How do you leave the past behind
When it keeps finding ways to get to your heart
It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out
Till you're torn apart
Rent!

Roger & the Other Half of the Company:
How can you connect in an age
Where strangers, landlords, lovers
Your own blood cells betray

All:
What binds the fabric together
When the raging, shifting winds of change
Keep ripping away

Benny:
Draw a line in the sand
And then make a stand

Roger:
Use your camera to spar

Mark:
Use your guitar

All:
When they act tough - you call their bluff

Mark & Roger:
We're not gonna pay

Mark & Roger with half the Company:
We're not gonna pay

Mark & Roger with the other half of the Company:
We're not gonna pay

All:
Last year's rent
This year's rent
Next year's rent
Rent rent rent rent rent
We're not gonna pay rent

Roger & Mark:
'Cause everything is rent

You Okay Honey? (the street)

(The street in front of the pay phone. A homeless man appears above on the right. Across the stage, Angel Dumott Schunard is seated on the Christmas tree sculpture, with a plastic pickle tub balanced like a drum between his knees)

A Homeless Man:
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Somewhere else!
Not here

(The homeless man exits. Angel gets a good beat going on the tub, but is interrupted by a moan. He starts to drum again and sees Collins limp to downstage-left)

Angel:
You okay honey?

Collins:
I'm afraid so

Angel:
They get any money?

Collins:
No
Had none to get --
But they purloined my coat --
(Angel jumps down from the Christmas tree, kneels and wipes Collin's bloody knee)
Well you missed a sleeve! -- Thanks

Angel:
Hell, it's Christmas Eve
I'm Angel

Collins:
Angel..? Indeed
An angel of the first degree
Friends call me Collins -- Tom Collins
Nice tree ...

Angel:
Let's get a band-aid for your knee
I'll change, there's a "Life Support" meeting at nine-thirty
Yes -- this body provides a comfortable home
For the Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome

Collins:
As does mine

Angel:
We'll get along fine
Get you a coat, have a bite
Make a night -- I'm flush

Collins:
My friends are waiting --

Angel:
You're cute when you blush
The more the merri -- ho ho ho
And I do not take no

(Angel and Collins walk off stage right)

Tune Up #3 (the loft)

(Lights come up on loft)

Roger:
Where are you going?

Mark:
Maureen calls...

Roger:
You're such a sucker!

Mark:
I don't suppose you'd like to see her show in the lot tonight?
(Roger shrugs)
Or come to dinner?

Roger:
Zoom in on my empty wallet.

Mark:
Touche. Take your AZT.
Close on Roger
His girlfriend April
Left a note saying "We've got AIDS"
Before slitting her wrists in the bathroom
I'll check up on you later. Change your mind. You have to get out of the house.
(He exits)

Roger:
I'm writing one great song before I...

One Song Glory

One song
Glory
One song
Before I go
Glory
One song to leave behind
Find one song
One last refrain
Glory
From the pretty boy front man
Who wasted opportunity
One song
He had the world at his feet
Glory
In the eyes of a young girl
A young girl
Find glory
Beyond the cheap colored lights
One song
Before the sun sets
Glory -- on another empty life
Time flies -- time dies
Glory -- One blaze of glory
One blaze of glory -- glory
Find
Glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame
Find
One song
A song about love
Glory
From the soul of a young man
A young man
Find
The one song
Before the virus takes hold
Glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life
Time flies
And then - no need to endure anymore
Time dies
(Roger is interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. It is Mimi Marquez, a beautiful stranger from downstairs)
The door

(Roger crosses to the door)

Light My Candle

Roger:
What'd you forget?

(Mimi enters, holding a candle and looking for a match; her electricity is out, too)

Mimi:
Got a light?

Roger:
I know you? -- You're --
You're shivering

Mimi:
It's nothing
They turned off my heat
And I'm just a little
Weak on my feet
Would you light my candle?
What are you staring at?

Roger:
Nothing
Your hair in the moonlight
You look familiar
(He lights her candle. Mimi starts to leave, but stumbles)
Can you make it?

Mimi:
Just haven't eaten much today
At least the room stopped spinning.
Anyway. What?

Roger:
Nothing
Your smile reminded me of --

Mimi:
I always remind people of -- who is she?

Roger:
She died. Her name was April

(Mimi discreetly blows out the candle)

Mimi:
It's out again
Sorry about your friend
Would you light my candle?

(Roger lights the candle. They linger, awkwardly)

Roger:
Well --

Mimi:
Yeah. Ow!

Roger:
Oh, the wax -- it's --

Mimi:
Dripping!  I like it -- between my --

Roger:
Fingers. I figured...

Oh, well. Goodnight.

(Rogers gestures towards the door.  Mimi exits. Roger heads back toward his guitar on the table. There is another knock, which he answers)

It blew out again?

Mimi:
No -- I think that I dropped my stash

Roger:
I know I've seen you out and about
When I used to go out
Your candle's out

Mimi:
I'm illin' --
I had it when I walked in the door
It was pure --
Is it on the floor?

Roger:
The floor?

(Mimi gets down on all fours and starts searching the floor for her stash. She looks back at Roger, who is staring at her again)

Mimi:
They say I have the best ass below 14th street
Is it true?

Roger:
What?

Mimi:
You're staring again.

Roger:
Oh no.
I mean you do -- have a nice --
I mean -- You look familiar

Mimi:
Like your dead girlfriend?

Roger:
Only when you smile.
But I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else --

Mimi:
Do you go to the Cat Scratch Club?
That's where I work - I dance - help me look

Roger:
Yes!
They used to tie you up --

Mimi:
It's a living

(Mimi douses the flame again)

Roger:
I didn't recognize you
Without the handcuffs

Mimi:
We could light the candle
Oh won't you light the candle?

(Roger lights it again)

Roger:
Why don't you forget that stuff
You look like you're sixteen

Mimi:
I'm nineteen -- but I'm old for my age
I'm just born to be bad

Roger:
I once was born to be bad
I used to shiver like that

Mimi:
I have no heat -- I told you

Roger:
I used to sweat

Mimi:
I got a cold

Roger:
Uh huh
I used to be a junkie

Mimi:
But now and then I like to --

Roger:
Uh huh

Mimi:
Feel good

Roger:
Here it is -- um --

(Roger stoops and picks up a small object: Mimi's stash)

Mimi:
What's that?

Roger:
It's a candy bar wrapper

(Roger puts it behind his back and into his pocket)

Mimi:
We could light the candle

(Roger gently blows out the candle)

Mimi:
What'd you do with my candle?

Roger:
That was my last match

Mimi:
Our eyes'll adjust, thank God for the moon

Roger:
Maybe it's not the moon at all
I hear Spike Lee's shooting down the street

Mimi:
Bah humbug ... Bah humbug

(Mimi places her hand under his, pretending to do it by accident)

Roger:
Cold hands

Mimi:
Yours too.
Big. Like my father's
You wanna dance?

Roger:
With you?

Mimi:
No -- with my father

Roger:
I'm Roger

Mimi:
They call me
They call me Mimi

(They come extremely close to a kiss. Mimi reaches into his back pocket, nabs the stash, waves it in front of his face, and exits)

Voice Mail #2

(Joanne's loft. In blackout another phone rings. We see Maureen in silhouette)

Maureen:
Hi. You've reached Maureen and Joanne. Leave a message and don't forget "Over the Moon" -- My performance, protesting the eviction of the Homeless (and artists) from the Eleventh Street Lot. Tonight at midnight in the lot between A and B. Party at Life Cafe to follow (BEEP)

Mr. Jefferson:
Well, Joanne -- We're off
I tried you at the office
And they said you're stage managing or something

Mrs. Jefferson:
Remind her that those unwed mothers in Harlem
Need her legal help too

Mr. Jefferson:
Call Daisy for our itinerary or Alfred at Pound Ridge
Or Eileen at the state department in a pinch
We'll be at the spa for new year's
Unless the senator changes his mind

Mrs. Jefferson:
The hearings

Mr. Jefferson:
Oh yes -- Kitten
Mummy's confirmation hearing begins on the tenth
We'll need you -- alone -- by the sixth

Mrs. Jefferson:
Harold!

Mr. Jefferson:
You hear that?
It's three weeks away
And she's already nervous

Mrs. Jefferson:
I am not!

Mr. Jefferson:
For Mummy's sake, Kitten
No Doc Martens this time and wear a dress ...
Oh, and Kitten -- have a merry

Mrs. Jefferson:
And a bra!!

Today 4 U

(Mark and Roger's loft)

Mark:
Enter Tom Collins, computer genius, teacher, vagabond anarchist, who ran naked through the Parthenon.

(Collins carries Angel's pickle tub, now filled with provisions)

Mark & Collins:
Bustelo -- Marlboro
Banana by the bunch
A box of Captain Crunch will taste so good

Collins:
And firewood

Mark:
Look -- it's Santa Claus

Collins:
Hold your applause

Roger:
Oh hi

Collins:
'Oh hi' after seven months?

Roger:
Sorry

Collins:
This boy could use some Stoli

Collins, Mark & Roger:
Oh holy night

Roger:
You struck gold at MIT?

Collins:
They expelled me for my theory of Actual Reality
Which I'll soon impart
To the couch potatoes at New York University
Still haven't left the house?

Roger:
I was waiting for you, don't you know?

Collins:
Well, tonight's the night
Come to the Life Cafe after Maureen's show

Roger:
No flow

Collins:
Gentlemen, our benefactor on this Christmas Eve
Whose charity is only matched by talent, I believe
A new member of the Alphabet City avant-garde
Angel Dumott Schunard!

(Angel sashays in. He's gorgeously done up in Santa drag, with a fan of twenty-dollar bills in each hand)

Angel:
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me

Collins:
And you should hear her beat!

Mark:
You earned this on the street?

Angel:
It was my lucky day today on Avenue A
When a lady in a limousine drove my way
She said, "Dahling -- be a dear -- haven't slept in a year
I need your help to make my neighbor's yappy dog disappear"
"This Akita-Evita just won't shut up
I believe if you play non-stop that pup
Will breathe its very last high-strung breath
I'm certain that cur will bark itself to death"
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
We agreed on a fee -- A thousand dollar guarantee
Tax-free -- and a bonus if I trim her tree
Now who could foretell that it would go so well
But sure as I am here that dog is now in doggy hell
After an hour -- Evita -- in all her glory
On the window ledge of that 23rd story
Like Thelma & Louise did when they got the blues
Swan dove into the courtyard of the Gracie Mews
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me

(Angel does a fabulous drum and dance solo)

Then back to the street where I met my sweet
Where he was moaning and groaning on the cold concrete
The nurse took him home for some mercurochrome
And I dressed his wounds and got him back on his feet
Sing it!
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me

You'll See

(Benny enters)

Benny:
Joy to the world--
Hey, you bum -- yeah, you, move over
Get your ass off that range rover

Mark:
That attitude toward the homeless is just what
Maureen is protesting tonight.
(Holding camera up to Benny)
Close up: Benjamin Coffin the third, our ex-roommate who married Alison Grey, of the Westport Greys -- then bought the building and the lot next door from his father-in-law in hopes of starting a cyber-studio.

Benny:
Maureen is protesting
Losing her performance space
Not my attitude

Roger:
What happened to Benny
What happened to his heart
And the ideals he once pursued?

Benny:
The owner of that lot next door
Has a right to do with it as he pleases

Collins:
Happy birthday, Jesus!

Benny:
The rent

Mark:
You're wasting your time

Roger:
We're broke

Mark:
And you broke your word -- this is absurd

Benny:
There is one way you won't have to pay

Roger:
I knew it!

Benny:
Next door, the home of Cyberarts, you see
And now that the block is re-zoned
Our dream can become a reality
You'll see boys
You'll see boys
A state of the art, digital, virtual interactive studio
I'll forego your rent and on paper guarantee
That you can stay here for free
If you do me one small favor

Mark:
What?

Benny:
Convince Maureen to cancel her protest

Mark:
Why not just get an injunction or call the cops

Benny:
I did, and they're on stand by
But my investors would rather
I handle this quietly

Roger:
You can't quietly wipe out an entire tent city
Then watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' on TV!

Benny:
You want to produce films and write songs?
You need somewhere to do it!
It's what we used to dream about
Think twice before you pooh-pooh it
You'll see boys
You'll see boys
You'll see -- the beauty of a studio
That lets us do our work and get paid
With condos on the top
Whose rent keeps open our shop
Just stop the protest
And you'll have it made
You'll see -- or you'll pack

(Benny exits)

Angel:
That boy could use some prozac

Roger:
Or heavy drugs

Mark:
Or group hugs

Collins:
Which reminds me --
We have a detour to make tonight
Anyone who wants to can come along

Angel:
Life support's a group for people coping with life
You don't have to stay too long

Mark:
First I've got a protest to save

Angel:
Roger?

Roger:
I'm not much company you'll find

Mark:
Behave!

Angel:
He'll catch up later -- He's just got other things on his mind
You'll see boys

Mark & Collins:
We'll see boys

Roger:
Let it be boys!

Collins:
I like boys

Angel:
Boys like me

All:
We'll see.

Tango Maureen

(The lot. Joanne is reexamining the cable connections for the umpteenth time)

Mark:
And so into the abyss...The lot. Where a small stage is partially set up.

Joanne:
(playing with some wires)
"Line in"...
I went to Harvard for this?

Mark:
Close on Mark's nose dive.

Joanne:
"Line out"...

Mark:
Will he get out of here alive...?

(Joanne notices Mark approaching)

Joanne:
Mark?

Mark:
Hi.

Joanne:
I told her not to call you

Mark:
That's Maureen
But can I help since I'm here

Joanne:
I've hired an engineer ...

Mark:
Great!
Well, nice to have met you...

Joanne:
Wait!
She's three hours late
The samples won't delay
But the cable --

Mark:
There's another way
Say something -- anything

Joanne: (into the mike)
Test -- one, two three --

Mark:
Anything but that

Joanne:
This is weird

Mark:
It's weird

Joanne:
Very weird

Mark:
Fuckin' weird

Joanne:
I'm so mad
That I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off
I'm with you

Mark:
Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?

Joanne:
As a matter of fact --

Mark:
Honey, I know this act
It's called the 'Tango Maureen'
The Tango Maureen
It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling

Joanne:
You're wrong

Mark:
Your heart she is mangling

Joanne:
It's different with me

Mark:
And you toss and you turn
'Cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound

Joanne:
I think I know what you mean

Both:
The Tango Maureen

Mark:
Has she ever pouted her lips
And called you 'Pookie'

Joanne:
Never!

Mark:
Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?

Joanne:
This is ... spooky
Did you swoon when she walked through the door?

Mark:
Every time -- so be cautious

Joanne:
Did she moon over other boys --?

Mark:
More than moon --

Joanne:
I'm getting nauseous
(They begin to dance, with Mark leading)

Mark:
Where'd you learn to tango?

Joanne:
With the French Ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Miss Porter's. And you?

Mark:
With Nanette Himmelfarb, the Rabbi's daughter at the Scarsdale Jewish Community Center.

(They switch, and Joanne leads)

It's hard to do this backwards.

Joanne:
You should try it in heels!
She cheated

Mark:
She cheated

Joanne:
Maureen cheated

Mark:
Fuckin' cheated

Joanne:
I'm defeated
I should give up right now

Mark:
Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might

Joanne:
I'd fall for her still anyhow

Both:
When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance
Makes you fall

Mark:
So you think, "Might as well'

Joanne:
"Dance a tango to hell"

Both:
"At least I'll have tangoed at all"
The Tango Maureen
Gotta dance till your diva is through
You pretend to believe her
Cause in the end -- you can't leave her
But the end it will come
Still you have to play dumb
Till you're glum and you bum
And turn blue

Mark:
Why do we love when she's mean?

Joanne:
And she can be so obscene

Mark:
Try the mike

Joanne:
My Maureen (reverb: een, een, een..)

Mark:
Patched

Joanne:
Thanks

Mark:
You know -- I feel great now!

Joanne:
I feel lousy

(The pay phone rings. Joanne answers)
Honey, we're... (pause) Pookie?!
You never call me Pookie...
Forget it, we're patched.

(She hangs up, looks at MARK)

Both:
The Tango Maureen!

Life Support

(Angel and Collins attend an AIDS Life Support group. Paul, the support leader, sits on the downstage railing above. Gordon, one of the members of the group, is standing downstage left, facing the audience. As the members enter, they introduce themselves and form a semicircle)

Steve:
Steve

Gordon:
Gordon

Ali:
Ali

Pam:
Pam

Sue:
Sue

Angel:
Hi, I'm Angel

Collins:
Tom. Collins.

Paul:
I'm Paul. Let's begin

All:
There's only us
There's only this ...

(Mark blusters in noisily)

Mark:
Sorry ... Excuse me ... oops

Paul:
And you are?

Mark:
Oh -- I'm not --
I'm just here to --
I don't have --
I'm here with --
Um -- Mark
Mark -- I'm Mark
Well -- this is quite an operation

Paul:
Sit down Mark
We'll continue the affirmation

All:
Forget regret or life is yours to miss

Gordon:
Excuse me Paul -- I'm having a problem with this
This credo -- My T-cells are low --
I regret that news, okay?

Paul:
Alright
But Gordon - How do you feel today?

Gordon:
What do you mean?

Paul:
How do you feel today?

Gordon:
Okay

Paul:
Is that all?

Gordon:
Best I've felt all year

Paul:
Then why choose fear?

Gordon:
I'm a New Yorker!
Fear's my life!
Look - I find some of what you teach suspect
Because I'm used to relying on intellect
But I try to open up to what I don't know

Gordon & Roger (who sings from his loft):
Because reason says I should have died
Three years ago

All:
No other road
No other way
No day but today

Out Tonight (Mimi's apartment)

Mimi:
What's the time?
Well it's gotta be close to midnight
My body's talking to me
It says, "Time for danger"
It says "I wanna commit a crime
Wanna be the cause of a fight
Wanna put on a tight skirt and flirt
With a stranger"
I've had a knack from way back
At breaking the rules once I learn the games
Get up - life's too quick
I know someplace sick
Where this chick'll dance in the flames
We don't need any money
I always get in for free
You can get in too
If you get in with me

Let's go out tonight
I have to go out tonight
You wanna play?
Let's run away
We won't be back before it's Christmas day
Take me out tonight (meow)

When I get a wink from the doorman
Do you know how lucky you'll be?
That you're on line with the feline of Avenue B

Let's go out tonight
I have to go out tonight
You wanna prowl
Be my night owl?
Well take my hand we're gonna howl
Out tonight

In the evening I've got to roam
Can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome
Feels too damn much like home
When the Spanish babies cry
So let's find a bar
So dark we forget who we are
And all the scars from the
Nevers and maybes die

Let's go out tonight
Have to go out tonight
You're sweet
Wanna hit the street?
Wanna wail at the moon like a cat in heat?
Just take me out tonight

(Mimi makes her way to Roger's door and ends the song in front of him)

Please take me out tonight
Don't forsake me -- out tonight
I'll let you make me -- out tonight
Tonight -- tonight -- tonight

Another Day

(The loft. Mimi plants a huge kiss on Roger, who recoils)

Roger:
Who do you think you are?
Barging in on me and my guitar
Little girl -- hey
The door is that way
You better go you know
The fire's out anyway
Take your powder -- take your candle
Your sweet whisper
I just can't handle
Well take your hair in the moonlight
Your brown eyes -- goodbye, goodnight
I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I should -- no!
Another time -- another place
Our temperature would climb
There'd be a long embrace
We'd do another dance
It'd be another play
Looking for romance?
Come back another day
Another day

Mimi:
The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
I live this moment as my last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today

Roger:
Excuse me if I'm off track
But if you're so wise
Then tell me -- why do you need smack?
Take your needle
Take your fancy prayer
And don't forget
Get the moonlight out of your hair
Long ago -- you might've lit up my heart
But the fire's dead -- ain't never ever gonna start
Another time -- another place
The words would only rhyme
We'd be in outer space
It'd be another song
We'd sing another way
You wanna prove me wrong?
Come back another day
Another day

Mimi:
There's only yes
Only tonight
We must let go
To know what's right
No other course
No other way
No day but today

(Lights slowly fade up on the Life Support group)

(Mimi and the Life Support group members exit. One person, Steve, remains at stage right, above)

Will I?

(Various locations)

Steve:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

Group #1:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

Group #2:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

Group #3:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

Group #4:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

(Roger puts on his jacket and exits the loft)

On the Street

Three Homeless People:
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing --
Out of town
Santa Fe

Squeegieman:
Honest living, man!

(He recoils as though he's almost been run over by a car)

Feliz Navidad!

(Three police officers, in full riot gear, enter and approach a homeless person sleeping under a blanket. The first officer pokes her with a nightstick)

Homeless Person:
Evening, officers

(Without answering, the first officer raises his nightstick again)

Mark (pointing his camera)
Smile for Ted Koppel, Officer Martin!

(The first officer lowers his stick)

Homeless Person:
And a Merry Christmas to your family

Police Officers
Right!!

(The police stride offstage. Mark continues to film the homeless blanket person)

Blanket Person (To Mark):
Who the fuck do you think you are?
I don't need no goddamn help
From some bleeding heart cameraman
My life's not for you to
Make a name for yourself on!

Angel:
Easy, sugar, easy
He was just trying to --

Blanket Person:
Just trying to use me to kill his guilt
It's not that kind of movie, honey
Let's go -- this lot is full of
Motherfucking artists
Hey artist
You got a dollar?
I thought not

(Blanket person crosses to downstage left with another homeless person)

Santa Fe

(The Street)

Angel:
New York City --

Mark:
Uh huh

Angel:
Center of the universe

Collins:
Sing it girl --

Angel:
Times are shitty
But I'm pretty sure they can't get worse

Mark:
I hear you

Angel:
It's a comfort to know
When you're singing the hit-the-road blues
That anywhere else you could possibly go
After New York would be a pleasure cruise

Collins:
Now you're talking
Well, I'm thwarted by a metaphysic puzzle
And I'm sick of grading papers -- that I know
And I'm shouting in my sleep, I need a muzzle
All this misery pays no salary, so
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
Oh sunny Santa Fe would be nice
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
And leave this to the roaches and mice

Collins:
Oh -- oh

All:
Oh --

Angel:
You teach?

Collins:
-- I teach -- Computer Age Philosophy
But my students would rather watch TV

Angel:
America

All:
America!

Collins:
You're a sensitive aesthete
Brush the sauce onto the meat
You could make the menu sparkle with rhyme
You could drum a gentle drum
I could seat guests as they come
Chatting not about Heidegger, but wine!
(with homeless people in the shadows)
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
Our labors would reap financial gains

All:
Gains, gains, gains

Collins:
We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
And save from devastation our brains

Homeless:
Save our brains

All:
We'll pack up all our junk and fly so far away
Devote ourselves to projects that sell
We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
Forget this cold Bohemian hell
Oh--

All:
Oh--

Collins:
Do you know the way to Santa Fe?
You know, tumbleweeds...prairie dogs...
Yeah

I'll Cover You

Mark:
I'll meet you at the show.
I'll try and convince Roger to go.
(Mark exits)

Angel:
Alone at last...

Collins:
He'll be back, I guarantee.

Angel:
I've been hearing violins all night!

Collins:
Anything to do with me? Are we a thing?

Angel:
Darling... we're everything!
Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses
Be my lover -- I'll cover you

Collins:
Open your door
I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage
To lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there -- I'll cover you

Both:
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love,
On life -- be my life

(They do a short dance)

Just slip me on
I'll be your tenant
Wherever -- whatever -- I'll be your coat

Angel:
You'll be my king
And I'll be your castle

Collins:
No you'll be my queen
And I'll be your moat

Both:
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love,
On life -- all my life

I've longed to discover
Something as true as this is

Both:
Oh lover I'll cover you
Oh lover I'll cover you

We're Okay

Joanne:
(on cellular phone)
Steve -- Joanne
The Murget case?
A dismissal!
Good work counselor
(The pay phone rings. Joanne answers it and begins a conversation with Maureen simultaneously juggling two other calls on her cellular phone)
We're okay
Honeybear -- wait!
I'm on the other phone
Yes, I have the cowbell
We're okay
(into cellular phone)
So tell them we'll sue
But a settlement will do
Sexual harassment -- and civil rights too
Steve, you're great
(into pay phone)
No you cut the paper plate
Didja cheat on Mark a lot would you say?
We're okay
Honey hold on...
(into cellular phone)
Steve, hold on...
(Joanne presses the call-waiting button on the cellular phone)
Hello?
Dad -- yes
I beeped you
Maureen is coming to Mother's hearing
We're okay
(into pay phone)
Honeybear - what?
Newt's lesbian sister
I'll tell them
(into cellular phone)
You heard?
(into pay phone)
They heard
We're okay
(into cellular phone)
And to you dad
(Joanne presses the call-waiting as she speaks into the pay phone)
Yes -- Jill is there?
(into cellular phone)
Steve gotta --
(into pay phone)
Jill with the short black hair?
The Calvin Klein model?
(into cellular phone)
Steve, gotta go!
(into pay phone)
The model who lives in Penthouse A???
We're
We're okay
I'm on my way

Christmas Bells (various locations, St. Marks Place)

Five Homeless People:
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are singing
On TV - at Saks

Squeegieman:
Honest living, honest living
Honest living, honest living
Honest living, honest living

All Five Homeless:
Can't you spare a dime or two
Here but for the grace of God go you
You'll be merry
I'll be merry
Tho merry ain't in my vocabulary
No sleighbells
No Santa Claus
No yule log
No tinsel
No holly
No hearth
No...

Soloist:
'Rudolph the red nosed reindeer'

All Five Homeless:
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
No room at the Holiday Inn -- oh no

(A few flakes of snow begin to descend)

And it's beginning to snow

(The stage suddenly explodes with life. The scene is St. Mark's Place on Christmas Eve -- an open-air bazaar of color, noise, and movement)

Vendors:
Hats, bats, shoes, booze
Mountain bikes, potpourri
Leather bags, girlie mags
Forty-fives, AZT

Vendor #1:
No one's buying
Feel like crying

All:
No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no
And it's beginning to snow

(Lights up on one woman, who is showing off a collection of stolen coats to Collins and Angel)

Vendor #2
How about a fur --
In perfect shape
Owned by an MBA from uptown
I got a tweed
Broken in by a greedy
Broker who went broke
And then broke down

Collins:
You don't have to do this

Angel:
Hush your mouth, it's Christmas

Collins:
I do not deserve you, Angel

(Lights focus on Mark and Roger on right above)

Mark:
... She said, "Would you light my candle?"
And she put on a pout
And she wanted you
To take her out tonight?

Roger:
Right

Mark:
She got you out!

Roger:
She was more than okay
But I pushed her away
It was bad -- I got mad
And I had to get her out of my sight

Mark:
Wait, wait, wait -- you said she was sweet

Roger:
Let's go eat -- I'll just get fat
It's the one vice left when you're dead meat
(Mimi has entered looking furtively for The Man)
There -- that's her

Mark:
Maureen?

Roger:
Mimi!

Mark:
Whoa!

Roger:
I should go

Mark:
Hey -- it's beginning to snow

(The police, in riot gear, enter above)

Police Officers:
I'm dreaming of a white, right Christmas

(Police Officers exit)

Mimi & Junkies:

Follow the man -- follow the man
With his pockets full of the jam
Follow the man -- follow the man
Help me out, daddy
If you can
Got any D man?

The Man:
I'm cool

Mimi & Junkies:
Got any C man?

The Man:
I'm cool

Mimi & Junkies:
Got any X?
Any smack?
Any horse?
Any jugie boogie boy?
Any blow?

(Roger pulls Mimi aside)

Roger:
Hey

Mimi:
Hey

Roger:
I just want to say
I'm sorry for the way --

Mimi:
Forget it

Roger:
I blew up
Can I make it up to you?

Mimi:
How?

Roger:
Dinner party?

Mimi:
That'll do

The Man:
Hey lover boy -- cutie pie
You steal my client -- you die

Roger:
You didn't miss me -- you won't miss her
You'll never lack for customers

Junkies:
I'm willin'
I'm illin'
I gotta get my sickness off
Gotta run, gotta ride
Gotta gun, gotta hide -- gotta go

The Man:
And it's beginning to snow

Benny:
(entering, talking on his cellular phone)
Wish me luck, Alison
The protest is on

Squeegieman:
Honest living --

Roger:
Mark, this is Mimi --

Mark/Mimi:
Hi

Roger:
She'll be dining -- (with us)

Coat Vendor:
Here's a new arrival

The Man:
That is an ounce

Vendors:
Hats, dats, bats

Collins:
That's my coat!

Coat Vendor:
We give discounts

Mark:
I think we've met

Angel:
Let's get a better one

Collins:
It's a sham

Mimi:
That's what he said

The Man:
I said it's a gram!

Collins:
But she's a thief!

Angel:
But she brought us together

Benny:
Which investor is coming??

Collins:
I'll take the leather

Benny:
Your father? -- Damn!

(The following is sung simultaneously)

Homeless & Vendors:
Christmas bells are swinging
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are singing
In my dreams -- next year
Once you donate you can go
Celebrate in Tuckahoe
You'll feel cheery
I'll feel cheery
Tho' I don't really know that theory
No bathrobe
No steuben glass
No cappucino makers
No pearls, no diamonds
No 'Chestnuts roasting on an open fire'
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no --

Police Officers:
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Jingle bells -- prison cells
Fa la la la -- fa la la la
You have the right to remain
Silent night holy night
Fall on your knees oh night divine
You'll do some time
Fa la la la la
Fa la la la la

Junkies:
Got any C man?
Got any D man?
Got any B man?
Got any X? -- Crack?
I'm willin' -- I'm illin'
Gotta get my sickness off
C-D help me
Follow the man -- follow the man
Follow the man
Jugie boogie -- jugie boogie
Follow the man -- follow the man
Any crack any X any jugie boogie boy
Any blow any X any jugie boogie boy
Got any D man, got any C man
Got any crack -- any X -- any jugie boogie?

Coat Vendor:
Twenty-five

Angel:
Fifteen

Coat Vendor:
Twenty-five

Angel:
Fifteen

Coat Vendor:
No way
Twenty-four

Angel:
Fifteen

Coat Vendor:
Twenty-four

Angel:
Fifteen

Coat Vendor:
Not today
Twenty-three

Angel:
Fifteen

Coat Vendor:
Twenty-three

Angel:
Fifteen
It's old

Coat Vendor:
Twenty-two

Angel:
Fifteen

Coat Vendor:
Twenty-one

Angel:
Fifteen

Coat Vendor:
Seventeen

Angel:
Fifteen

Coat Vendor:
Fifteen

Angel & Coat Vendor:
Sold!

Mark & Roger:
Let's
Go
To
The lot -- Maureen's performing

Mimi:
Who's Maureen?

Roger:
His ex

Mark:
But I am over her

Roger:
Let's not hold hands yet

Mimi:
Is that a warning?

All Three:
He/You/I
Just
Need(s)
To take it slow
I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I ...

All:
And it's beginning to
And it's beginning to
And it's beginning to ---

(Lights black out, the sound of a motorcylce roars and a blinding headlight comes through the door. As it reaches downstage, the lights come up and reveal Maureen)

Maureen:
Joanne, which way to the stage?

All:
Snow!!!

(Blackout)

Over the Moon (the lot)

Mark:
Maureen's performance.

Maureen (in front of a microphone):
Last night I had a dream. I found myself in a desert called Cyberland.
It was hot. My canteen had sprung a leak and I was thirsty.
Out of the abyss walked a cow -- Elsie.
I asked if she had anything to drink.
She said, "I'm forbidden to produce milk.
In Cyberland, we only drink Diet Coke."
She said, "Only thing to do is jump over the moon"
"They've closed everything real down ... like barns, troughs, performance spaces ...
And replaced it all with lies and rules and virtual life.
But there is a way out ...

Backups:
Leap of faith, leap of faith
Leap of faith, leap of faith

Maureen:
"Only thing to do is jump over the moon"
I gotta get out of here! It's like I'm being tied
to the hood of a yellow rental truck, being packed
in with fertilizer and fuel oil, pushed over a cliff
by a suicidal Mickey Mouse! -- I've gotta find a way
"To jump over the moon
Only thing to do is jump over the moon"

Backups:
Leap of faith, leap of faith...

Maureen:
Then a little bulldog entered. His name (we have learned) was Benny.
And although he once had principles,
He abandoned them to live as a lap dog to a wealthy daughter of the revolution.
"That's bull," he said.
"Ever since the cat took up the fiddle, that cow's been jumpy.
And the dish and the spoon were evicted from the table -- and eloped ...
She's had trouble with that milk and the moon ever since.
Maybe it's a female thing.
'Cause who'd want to leave Cyberland anyway?...
Walls ain't so bad.
The dish and the spoon for instance.
They were down on their luck - knocked on my doghouse door.
I said, "Not in my backyard, utensils! Go back to China!"
"The only way out is up," Elsie whispered to me.
"A leap of faith. Still thirsty?" she asked.
Parched. "Have some milk."
I lowered myself beneath her and held my mouth to her swollen udder
And sucked the sweetest milk I'd ever tasted."
(Maureen makes a slurping, sucking sound)
"Climb on board," she said.
And as a harvest moon rose over Cyberland,
We reared back and sprang into a gallop.
Leaping out of orbit!!!
I awoke singing

Backups:
Leap of faith, leap of faith...

Maureen:
Only thing to do
Only thing to do is jump
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Over the moon -- over the
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moo with me.
(Maureen encourages the audience to moo with her. She says, "C'mon, sir, moo with me," etc. The audience responds. When the "moos" reach a crescendo, she cuts them off with a big sweep of her arms)
Thank you!

(Blackout)

La Vie Boheme (Life Cafe)

(Downstage right, the cast have lined up and are waiting to be seated. A large table is situated down center. Down and to the right, Benny and Mr. Grey are seated at a smaller table. The Restaurant Man tries to shoo them out)

Restaurant Man:
No please no
Not tonight please no
Mister -- can't you go --
Not tonight -- can't have a scene

Roger:
What?

Restaurant Man:
Go, please go;
You -- Hello, sir --
I said, "No"
Important customer

Mark:
What am I -- just a blur?

Restaurant Man:
You sit all night -- you never buy!

Mark:
That's a lie -- that's a lie
I had a tea the other day

Restaurant Man:
You couldn't pay

Mark:
Oh yeah

Collins:
Benjamin Coffin III -- here?

Restaurant Man:
Oh no!

All:
Wine and beer!

Maureen:
The enemy of Avenue A
We'll stay

(They sit)

Restaurant Man:
Oy vey!

Collins:
What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?

Benny:
I would like to propose a toast
To Maureen's noble try
It went well

Maureen:
Go to hell

Benny:
Was the yuppie scum stomped
Not counting the homeless
How many tickets weren't comped

Roger:
Why did Muffy --

Benny:
Alison

Roger:
Miss the show?

Benny:
There was a death in the family
If you must know

Angel:
Who died?

Benny:
Our Akita

Benny, Mark, Angel & Collins:
Evita!

Benny:
Mimi -- I'm surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
(Who don't adhere to deals)
They make fun -- yet I'm the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people piss on your stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta
Bohemia is dead

(The Bohemains immediately begin to enact a mock funeral, with Mark delivering the "eulogy.")

Mark:
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes

Collins & Roger:
Dies irae -- dies illa
Kyrie eleison
Yitgadal v' yitkadash, etc.

Mark:
Here she lies
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of mother earth
On this night when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass -- you bet your ass to --
(Maureen flashes hers)
La vie Boheme

All:
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme

Mark:
To days of inspiration
Playing hookie, making something out of nothing
The need to express --
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane
Going mad

To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old mom and dad

To riding your bike,
Midday past the three piece suits
To fruits -- to no absolutes --
To Absolut -- to choice --
To the Village Voice --
To any passing fad

To being an us for once
Instead of a them

All:
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme

(Joanne enters)

Maureen:
Is the equipment in a pyramid?

Joanne:
It is, Maureen

Maureen:
The mixer doesn't have a case
Don't give me that face

(Maureen smacks Joanne's ass as she exits. Mr. Grey reacts)

Mr. Grey:
Ahhemm

Maureen:
Hey Mister -- she's my sister

Restaurant Man:
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless balls

A Boy:
Ugh (or ewwwwwww!)

Collins:
It tastes the same

Mimi:
If you close your eyes

Restaurant Man:
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?

All:
Wine and beer!

Mimi & Angel:
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo
To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou

Maureen & Collins:
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacation

Mark:
Mucho masturbation

Maureen & Collins:
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new

Collins:
To Sontag

Angel:
To Sondheim

Four People:
To anything taboo

Collins & Roger:
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage

Collins:
Lenny Bruce

Roger:
Langston Hughes

Maureen:
To the stage!

Person #1:
To Uta

Person #2:
To Buddha

Person #3:
Pablo Neruda, too

Mark & Mimi:
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em

All:
La vie Boheme

(Joanne returns)

Maureen:
And wipe the speakers off before you pack

Joanne:
Yes, Maureen

Maureen:
Well -- hurry back

(Maureen and Joanne kiss)

Mr. Grey
Sisters?

Maureen:
We're close

(Angel jumps on top of Collins, who's on the table. They kiss)

Angel, Collins, Maureen, Mark & Mr. Grey:
Brothers!

Mark, Angel, Mimi & Three Others:
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana

All:
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel -- The Sex Pistols, 8BC,
To no shame -- never playing the Fame Game

Collins:
To marijuana

All:
To sodomy,
It's between God and me
To S & M

(Mr. Grey walks out)

Benny
Waiter...Waiter...Waiter

All:
La vie Boheme

Collins:
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner...
Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred.

Roger:
Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.

(Roger picks up an electric guitar and starts to tune it)

Mark:
Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot,
Will sing native american tribal chants backwards through her vocoder,
While accompanying herself on the electric cello --
Which she has never studied.

(At this point, Joanne has entered and seen Maureen playfully kiss Mark. Joanne exits. Benny pulls Mimi aside)

Benny:
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us?

Mimi:
There's nothing to know

Benny:
Don't you think that we should discuss --

Mimi:
It was three months ago

Benny:
He doesn't act like he's with you

Mimi:
We're taking it slow

Benny:
Where is he now?

Mimi:
He's right -- hmm

Benny:
Uh huh

Mimi:
Where'd he go?

Mark:
Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song.
(Roger picks up a guitar and plays Musetta's Theme)
That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz"

Collins:
Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris
While accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.

Angel:
And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist --
Including the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment
To self-destruct, as it broadcast the words:

All:
"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS"

Benny:
Check!!

(Benny exits. Lights on Mimi and Roger)

Mimi:
Excuse me -- did I do something wrong?
I get invited -- then ignored -- all night long

Roger:
I've been trying -- I'm not lying
No one's perfect. I've got baggage

Mimi:
Life's too short, babe, time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine

Roger:
I should tell, you --

Mimi:
I've got baggage too

Roger:
I should tell you --

Mimi:
I got baggage, too

Roger:
I should tell you --

Both:
Baggage - wine

Others:
And beer!

(Several beepers sound. Each turns off his or her beeper)

Mimi:
AZT break

(Mimi, Roger, Angel, and Collins take pills)

Roger (watching Mimi)
You?

Mimi:
Me. You?

Roger (nods):
Mimi

(They hold hands and stare into each other's eyes lovingly. The rest of the company freezes)

I Should Tell You

Roger:
I should tell you I'm disaster
I forget how to begin it

Mimi:
Let's just make this part go faster
I have yet -- to be in it
I should tell you

Roger:
I should tell you

Mimi:
I should tell you

Roger:
I should tell you

Mimi:
I should tell I blew the candle out
Just to get back in

Roger:
I'd forgotten how to smile
Until your candle burned my skin

Mimi:
I should tell you

Roger:
I should tell you

Mimi:
I should tell you

Both:
I should tell
Well, here we go
Now we --

Mimi:
Oh no

Roger:
I know -- this something is
Here goes --

Mimi:
Here goes

Roger:
Guess so
It's starting to
--Who knows?

Mimi:
Who knows

Both:
Who knows where
Who goes there
Who knows
Here goes

Trusting desire -- starting to learn
Walking through fire without a burn
Clinging -- a shoulder, a leap begins
Stinging and older, asleep on pins
So here we go
Now we --

Roger:
Oh no

Mimi:
I know

Roger:
Oh no

Both:
Who knows where -- who goes there
Here goes -- here goes
Here goes -- here goes
Here goes -- here goes

La Vie Boheme B

(Roger and Mini exit. Joanne reenters, obviously steamed)

Maureen:
Are we packed?

Joanne:
Yes and by next week
I want you to be

Maureen:
Pookie?!

Joanne:
And you should see
They've padlocked your building
And they're rioting on Avenue B
Benny called the cops

Maureen:
That fuck!

Joanne:
They don't know what they're doing
The cops are sweeping the lot
But no one's leaving
They're just sitting there, mooing!

All:
Yeah!!!
(Pandemonium erupts in the restaurant)
To dance!

A Girl:
No way to make a living, masochism, pain, perfection
Muscle spasms, chiropractors, short careers, eating disorders!

All:
Film!

Mark:
Adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations,
Dark rooms, perfect faces, egos, money, Hollywood and sleaze!

All:
Music!

Angel:
Food of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation,
Rhythm, feeling, power, harmony, and heavy competition!

All:
Anarchy!

Collins & Maureen:
Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions,
Forcing changes, risk, and danger
Making noise and making pleas!

All:
To faggots, lezzies, dykes, cross dressers too

Maureen:
To me

Mark:
To me

Collins & Angel:
To me

All:
To you, and you and you, you and you
To people living with, living with, living with
Not dying from disease
Let he among us without sin
Be the first to condemn
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme

All:
La vie Boheme

Mark:
The riot continues. The Christmas tree goes up in flames. The snow dances. Oblivious, Mimi and Roger share a small, lovely kiss.

All:
Viva la vie Boheme!

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